Expectations

We have just come back from working in Armenia where we were teaching Transactional Analysis and its application. During one of the discussions the issue of expectations came up and there was a view that if we expect too much then we will be disappointed and therefore we need to keep our expectations low. At this point the room seemed split between those who agreed and those who did not agree.

Of course, some of this may be cultural and, as most of the participants were women this too might be understandable. However, if we keep our expectations low we will never have the opportunity to feel fulfilled and will be working within an over-adaptive frame of reference. This in itself can then lead to resentment. Why go for second best? Whether we believe we will achieve a goal, or whether we don’t, going for it means that we’ll have a good journey, learn a great deal, and develop and grow. Further, with the attitude that something is possible we will be living a happy life in a positive frame of mind. Then, whether we achieve our goal, or whether we don’t, we’ve had a good time and enjoyed the journey, with positive spin-offs for those around us too.

Just think, if everyone lowered their expectations we would have no electricity, aeroplanes, mobiles, computers etc. etc. etc. So, if we start to think “There’s no point, things like that (whatever that is) don’t happen for people like me” we’ll be right – because whatever we focus our attention on grows greater in our life – and that doesn’t mean only the positive things!

I realise that in today’s current financial crisis things are tough to say the least. Some of you may be losing your jobs, houses, or having to work harder because others around you have lost their jobs, however, how does being angry, withdrawn, resentful help? Instead we need to be creative, think, feel and take action toward our goals. At these times we need our friends for support and need to reach out and ask. This is a time for community and creativity. This increases our positive energy which is better for our health and well being.

Don’t go for second best because that says you are only worth second best, go for first best – you’re worth it. “Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you’ll get the stars”.

Have a great journey.


Mountain Associates offer in-house training and consultancy. Our Organizational Training Institute offers open workshops on Transactional Analysis, our next Official Introduction to TA is on 3-5 November, with another one in January, 2011, and our Organizational TA programme is going strong. We also have a coaching arm called Coaching 4C so do get in touch if you would like to talk about group or individual coaching.

Selling Yourself, Without Selling Your Soul

fcJust before we fly off to Montreal and a Transactional Analysis Conference and then a holiday, I thought I would write this August blog a bit early. I wanted to ensure that there was one and I know that I would not do it whilst I was away.

With all the pressures on people regarding work these days – increased redundancies, bankruptcies, shorter working hours etc. I have been considering how far do you go to ensure you: keep your job; get more work if you’re freelance; and find work if you’re unemployed?

Finding ways to manage your value base, your philosophy and your income may seem incompatible but we all need to find ways to be congruent as this is one way to ensure inner peace and be comfortable with ourselves and our situation.

Could you for instance work for a tobacco company, or even a people trafficking set-up? However far fetched the latter may seem just consider where your boundary would be. What is the cost of getting a roof over your head and food on the table? Too often women are rebuked and looked down on if they become a street worker/prostitute, but do we know what their situation is? You could assume low self-esteem but it could be that they are putting their children first and their own self worth last. This is not to condone it but we need to understand the circumstances that lead to these downward spirals so that we avoid “prostituting” ourselves in times of financial crisis.

Over the last 30 years there has been a breaking down of community and yet today with the ecological and the financial crises we are seeing the emergence of a new wave of community spirit. There are organizations like Avaaz, Transitions, Village Action Groups as well as young people who pass on children’s clothes, share entertainment with each other and support each other without any formal groups being set up. Things are changing and we can re-establish trust and community. What is your part in this? What one thing can you do today that says “I’m here and want to know you”? This doesn’t have to be “pink and fluffy” - just a human to human interaction that makes life so much more rewarding.

So, do one thing today that breaks you free of your old ways of doing something and celebrate your shift.


Contact Mountain Associates to find ways that you can break out of your “script” and put a new show on the road - whether that be a new organizational culture or your own individual way of being. Lift Your Limits © and contact us today: ta@mountain-associates.co.uk or go to our website: www.mountain-associates.co.uk