Armenia

We recently visited Armenia where we undertook voluntary training programmes as well as supervision. We had a pretty full programme this time and this included enjoying ourselves in our time off. What we were struck by is the generosity that pervades the culture, despite the economic hardship of many of the people. It is interesting that, very often when people have less economically, they seem to have more in generosity. On one occasion a village woman took an hour to take us to a local site that our hosts were looking for. She and her grandson walked and talked with our hosts whilst we went into the valley to find the place. She was full of grace and generosity despite her apparent lack of financial wealth. We then returned to Yerevan with its aggressive drivers and pollution but holding the calm and ease of our trip and being aware of the need for balance.

I will use another experience from Armenia to explain our behavioural modes model as I was talking with a participant on our Organisational Training Programme about this model and how the Accounting Mode works (For a description of the model see the following page on our web site:

http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html )

The participant queried whether the Accounting mode is “empty” or whether it always has some aspect of the others within it i.e. Structuring, Nurturing, Playful and Co-operative. So by way of explanation let’s take a situation where there is a heated argument ensuing between colleagues. We might be observing this and considering whether we should intervene. We give consideration to our own role and relationship vis a vis those involved as well as our motivation and any likely outcomes of different interventions. Having done this we then take action, whether that be to walk away and leave them to it or to intervene. At the action stage we are likely to use the resources of our Structuring, Nurturing, Co-operative or Playful aspects of our Accounting Mode. (Hopefully we do not move into one of the “red zones” and intervene from there which will only “fuel the fire”). Naturally, some situations may take a little while to think through whilst others will take a few seconds. This is a natural process which most of us do outside of our awareness as we have integrated the way of doing this.

My partner and I wish to acknowledge and thank those who trained with us in Armenia and who were willing to share themselves and their lives with us for those few weeks.

Whether or not you celebrate Christmas, we wish you all a very relaxing festive season and hope that the generosity of spirit that we received from the woman in the Armenian village comes your way, and goes from you to others.

If you don’t know this model, then do take a look at our web site on the following page and you will see the concept under discussion:

http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html

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Changing Limiting Beliefs

When times are difficult and we are concerned about how to get by we may have a tendency to think negatively. We might continually think about the past in terms of “If only I had not done or done …………..”, or the future in terms of “What if………….” Such thoughts can keep us awake at night and eventually we might become snappy and irritable.

What we need to do instead is stay in the here-and-now and think positive, rather than negative, thoughts. When we notice that we are negatively focussing on a concern we have a range of options (some of which I have discussed in previous blogs and so won’t repeat). Whenever we become aware that we are “worrying” rather than doing something about a difficulty we need to replace the worrying thoughts with the opposite positive thought. Alternatively, we can replace the negative thoughts with any positive thought.

Once we have chosen which option we will take then it is possible to repeat this thought over and over. For example, we are concerned that we cannot get through all the work we have to do and feel overwhelmed, at night in particular, we might be anxious and go over and over what we have to do but with no resolution. Instead we could say to ourselves “I am having an easy day and I know how to do a good job and think through how to manage my workload”. The action statement is important in this, as is saying the phrase in the present tense.

What we’re doing in this process is to re-direct our subconscious onto a different path. When we do this we can release energy from the fight/flight/freeze response so that we can think. In this way our subconscious and higher self can be creative and come up with solutions – including perhaps telling the boss we’re on overload and would value a management discussion on how to deal with the workload; delegating some work to someone else; make the case for an assistant; and finding another job within a more supportive organizational culture. The creation of all these options and probably many more can emerge once we are in the here-and-now i.e. in Accounting Mode in Transactional Analysis terms.

We often limit ourselves by obsessive and negative thoughts which drain our energy. These are usually underpinned by some negative beliefs about self, others and the world, and by addressing the negative belief and updating ourselves we can remain in the present moment. For example, if we are in debt and are worried about how to manage, it may be that underneath we have a belief that “people like us” are not successful, or that “I don’t deserve to be successful” or “I’m too thick to make money and be happy”. All of these thoughts will drain our energy and prevent us from being creative and thinking about positive ways to get out of debt.

Even if we believe we don’t have answers about to how to move forward, when we make the space, options will emerge. Trust the process. Besides which, when we worry we won’t find the answer because we are too exhausted.

So, Lift Your Limits ©, with the daily practice of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, sifting out those old, outdated beliefs about attaining goals etc., and giving yourself the space so that your subconscious and conscious mind can be creative about solutions.

N.B. Lifting Your Limits is the title of a development programme facilitated by Mountain Associates. For further information contact us ta@mountain-associates.co.uk or +44 (O)1455 824475

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