Stress - whose responsibility?

Stress can be very invasive and if you are not in tune with early warning signs of stress you can often feel as if it has crept up on you. How you deal with stress is due to historical and habitual responses. Responses differ as a consequence of different cultures, experiences, beliefs and personalities. For example, if in a crisis, a report needs to be produced within a day, you might see this as a challenge or you may become stressed by it. You could be someone who enjoys managing twenty staff or be someone who prefers to work at home alone. Ensuring the right person is in the right job acts as a protection for both the organization and the individual.

When stressed you are likely to react in one or more of the following ways:

·         make more mistakes

·         prefer solitude

·         want to go further and further with the challenges, raising your stress levels ever higher

·         need to be right

·         become over–controlling

·         believe there is something wrong with you

Resilience is a key factor in stress prevention. Resilience is the ability to recover despite periodical setbacks and problems. Highly resilient people know how to bounce back and find a way to have things turn out well.  

Stress can be eased through the ability to make good relationships because then you are likely to believe that you are OK and others are also OK. If you have difficulty in forming relationships you are likely to believe that either, you are not OK and others are better than you, or that you are better than others. Believing that everyone is OK offers a secure base from which to operate. When this happens attachment to your team and to the organization is likely to increase. One outcome of this is that you will be able to appropriately say ‘No’ to things whilst still keeping yourself and others OK.

All organizations need to take account of the organizational culture, leadership styles and the current pressures being faced by leaders and shop floor workers alike.  It is not only the individual who is responsible for their own stress but so too is the organization.  If a manager's leadership style is brusque and aggressive this will inevitably have an effect on the workforce.  Good management entails effective supervision which in turn entails noticing when someone is on overload and doing something about it.  

One of the causes of stress on people is the need to multi–task. Administrators and secretarial staff have to do this a lot – be it writing a report, answering a query when someone comes to their office or answering the phone. Whilst this is an accepted pressure for administrators it does not mean that it is necessarily any easier for them than for others. The western world tends to see multi–tasking as good, hence the comments about women being able to do it well, whereas men are often seen as lacking this ability. Whether or not this is a fallacy it does highlight that fact that multi–tasking is valued. Getting your life in balance probably means doing less multi–tasking and becoming more focused.

For more on managing yourself and others then buy our book: Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, Gower, 2011, also available from Amazon.  You can also attend our Advanced Communication Skills, Level 1, (incorporating the Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis) later this month but you can register for our next one in February, 2012.  Go to our website: http://courses.mountain-associates.co.uk/ta101.html

Facilitation and Decision-making

Just prior to Christmas we went on the second of our twice yearly trips to train people in Russia. Working in Russia has always been an interesting and challenging process. We thoroughly enjoy the Russian hospitality and their curiosity and interest in whatever they are learning. This time we were teaching group work to about twenty-five strong-minded people, most of whom knew us from our previous workshops.

On the second day one participant moved a chair and a huge bang and flash occurred as an electrical wire had just been lodged into a hole in the wall of the training room and became dislodged by the chair. All the electrics went off in the room, including the heating. As it was -10 degrees Celcius outside this would eventually cause difficulties!

There were some interesting suggestions including buying candles and continuing to work in the room. The organiser went to locate the caretaker and chaos was looming large on the horizon as everyone thought they had a better idea. We decided to take the lead and went by our own health and safety standards i.e. do not work in a room where there is a possibility of a live cable, where the temperature would soon plummet and where there was no light!

Of course it is not always adviseable for facilitators to take the decision away from people. However, when agititation is increasing we need to be prepared to do just that. We therefore decided to take up the offer to move to another room on another floor. Had we been in a room that was within a commissioning organization the process would have been different. However, the organisers had rented this room and therefore we were in a position to continue with our role as facilitators and challenge the frame of reference about remaining there and obtaining candles.

How many times do people remain passive when decisions have to be made? All too often the loudest get their way, even if it is not necessarily based on sound rational judgement. How do we know that our decision is the right one? Well, of course this is often a difficult one to gauge. However, we can look at the evidence – in this situation:

• Is the room safe?
• Would it still be safe if someone outside the room “helpfully” turned the electricity back on again?
• Would it be safe to light the room with candles with 25 people in it?
• Would that make for a positive learning environment?
• How could this situation influence the learning outcomes of a course on group work if the facilitators, not the organisers, took charge of the decision-making?
• What are the processes and dynamics that are currently going on between group members and is this likely to escalate?
• Or whatever the “evidence” would be for your situation

Looking at this “evidence” often requires speed and clear thinking. Our thinking is enhanced when we remain in the Accounting mode and consider our role and responsibility, and then take the appropriate action.
(for further information on this concept go to: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html

Taking the leadership slot in Russia is even more important. Our experience has shown us that without a very structuring style of leadership the group process often regresses to one that is agitated and chaotic. We all need to recognise how important it is to know and understand the culture in which we are working. This particular incident happened in Russia and if it had happened here in the UK it is highly likely that the group would have responded very differently. We therefore need to keep in mind where we are, whether that be in a particular organization or a different culture. What are the norms and how should we respond whilst acknowledging and accounting others?

The blog next month will look at freedom and responsibility and we can also look at this situation from that perspective. The organisers could have taken their power and made the decision about what to do and we could have withdrawn from the decision-making process. Whilst we would have been free to do this we would also have role-modelled how to be passive and the already fraught atmosphere would more-than-likely have degenerated. During the next month how about letting us have your ideas passivity and the decision-making process.


Mountain Associates offer in-house and open workshops as well as coaching and consultancy. Our next Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis is on 9 -11 March; Getting to Grips with Groups is on 27-29 April and we will also be hosting a trainer from France who will be here in July facilitating a workshop on Organizational TA. See our website for information on supervision of coaches and our supervision course. Do get in touch if you would like further information.

Changing Limiting Beliefs

When times are difficult and we are concerned about how to get by we may have a tendency to think negatively. We might continually think about the past in terms of “If only I had not done or done …………..”, or the future in terms of “What if………….” Such thoughts can keep us awake at night and eventually we might become snappy and irritable.

What we need to do instead is stay in the here-and-now and think positive, rather than negative, thoughts. When we notice that we are negatively focussing on a concern we have a range of options (some of which I have discussed in previous blogs and so won’t repeat). Whenever we become aware that we are “worrying” rather than doing something about a difficulty we need to replace the worrying thoughts with the opposite positive thought. Alternatively, we can replace the negative thoughts with any positive thought.

Once we have chosen which option we will take then it is possible to repeat this thought over and over. For example, we are concerned that we cannot get through all the work we have to do and feel overwhelmed, at night in particular, we might be anxious and go over and over what we have to do but with no resolution. Instead we could say to ourselves “I am having an easy day and I know how to do a good job and think through how to manage my workload”. The action statement is important in this, as is saying the phrase in the present tense.

What we’re doing in this process is to re-direct our subconscious onto a different path. When we do this we can release energy from the fight/flight/freeze response so that we can think. In this way our subconscious and higher self can be creative and come up with solutions – including perhaps telling the boss we’re on overload and would value a management discussion on how to deal with the workload; delegating some work to someone else; make the case for an assistant; and finding another job within a more supportive organizational culture. The creation of all these options and probably many more can emerge once we are in the here-and-now i.e. in Accounting Mode in Transactional Analysis terms.

We often limit ourselves by obsessive and negative thoughts which drain our energy. These are usually underpinned by some negative beliefs about self, others and the world, and by addressing the negative belief and updating ourselves we can remain in the present moment. For example, if we are in debt and are worried about how to manage, it may be that underneath we have a belief that “people like us” are not successful, or that “I don’t deserve to be successful” or “I’m too thick to make money and be happy”. All of these thoughts will drain our energy and prevent us from being creative and thinking about positive ways to get out of debt.

Even if we believe we don’t have answers about to how to move forward, when we make the space, options will emerge. Trust the process. Besides which, when we worry we won’t find the answer because we are too exhausted.

So, Lift Your Limits ©, with the daily practice of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, sifting out those old, outdated beliefs about attaining goals etc., and giving yourself the space so that your subconscious and conscious mind can be creative about solutions.

N.B. Lifting Your Limits is the title of a development programme facilitated by Mountain Associates. For further information contact us ta@mountain-associates.co.uk or +44 (O)1455 824475

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