Be Yourself

Many of the people I coach come because they experience difficulties in relating to others, or to specific kinds of people. Mostly the issue is us - our attitude, our frame of reference about ourselves, others and life. Even if other people are experienced as "difficult" by a range of other people it is still up to us how we respond. If we believe that we are as good as anyone else then, even when under stress, we can find ways to keep ourselves okay. For example, there are often people whose only way of feeling okay is to put someone else down and attempt to sabotage any progress or success others are having. If we lose our grip at these times then we are likely to spiral downwards.

In order to deal with sabotaging behaviour, negativity and put-downs you need to talk to yourself positively. If you don't have sufficient strength in your Structuring Modes of behaviour (see our website on OK Modes to understand this further) then consider what someone else you respect might say. This will help you to stay Mindful (in the present moment) and take the appropriate steps. If you need to relate with this person then how you respond will be different to if you don't. If you should fall into the hole of making yourself not OK then you are giving your power away and agreeing with the other person's manipulative behaviour. Remaining in the here-and-now means that you will have more thinking available and there are ways in which you can deal with people that keep them okay but also set and maintain boundaries. This will also be of assistance to keep yourself feeling okay, despite the difficulties you are experiencing.

For more information on working with others, including issues of bullying, conflict and stress, then buy our book "Working Together: Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance" published by Gower and also available on Amazon. Free downloadable chapter available on our website: www.mountain-associates.co.uk

If you resonate with this blog and are ready to overcome workplace challenges and create a breakthrough in your work environment, I would love to support you. Contact me now for your complimentary Workplace Breakthrough coaching session: +44 (0) 1455 824475; or email us: ta@mountain-associates.co.uk   Talk to you soon.

Attraction - fatal or otherwise?

What we focus our attention on grows greater in our lives. Have you ever noticed that if you have a small mark, such as a spot on your face that you tend to focus attention on that and feel awful? Life can feel like that as well. When we experience difficulties we tend to focus our attention and energy on that rather than on the positive things in our life. However, this focus of attention is rarely mindfully undertaken, as we can obsess about something without actually really paying sufficient attention to solve or resolve it.

But let’s return to attraction. How often do we see someone getting themselves into the same difficult situation time after time. They may get themselves into difficult jobs, difficult relationships and believe that life is difficult. Whereas another person finds good jobs where they flourish, have great relationships and despite life’s difficulties is an optimistic thinker.

These things don’t just happen by accident. If we want to be positive we need to be in control of our mind, not let our minds control us. When we find ourselves going into a negative spiral we need to stop ourselves, return from that pathway and go down another one – one that is positive and life enhancing. By doing this we will give off better energy as we will be looking for the best in ourselves, others and life. Eventually we stop letting others cross our personal boundaries, increase our confidence, start to feel better and we will respect and value others.

This may sound as if I believe this will be simple – which it can be – however, retraining ourselves to think positively and creatively takes commitment. It means staying in the present moment, enjoying the “now” and believing we and others have value. If your way is not working for you, then this is at least worth a try. We might just start to attract encouragers rather than discouragers and become an encourager ourselves.



For more information about coaching, consultancy, training and supervision contact Mountain Associates: www.mountain-associates.co.uk

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Coaching and the Client Contract

I was discussing coaching with someone the other day who had been informed that they could undertake psychotherapy within the coaching session. The rationale for this was based on what the content of the session was. However, it is not the content that makes the difference but the contract and the aim of the work being undertaken. It is not appropriate to undertake psychotherapy with a client when the contract has been for coaching as the aim of coaching is different.

With coaching the aim is to promote the client’s professional development and integrate performance with development. On the other hand the aim of psychotherapy is primarily the development of the individual, regardless of their professional life. Of course, when we develop personally we are also likely to develop professionally, however the aim of these two different fields, coaching and psychotherapy, are different.

I am both a psychotherapist and a coach and believe it is important not to blur the boundary between the two. If someone requires long term psychotherapy I will refer them on to a psychotherapist and remain as their coach.

We all have personal issues that may hamper our professional development, and professional issues that hamper our personal life, or just a lack of professional experience, knowledge or skill. These areas are appropriate to work with as long as the personal issues are not deep seated and cannot be resolved through a here-and-now co-creative intervention. However, where the issue is personal and only related to the client’s personal life, we should not work here, nor should we work with client issues that clearly require longer term psychotherapy, even if we are qualified to do so, as I am. This is because the contract for coaching, with its allied aims, are different to those of therapy. To my mind, at worst, it is a dangerous boundary to cross and, at best, an arrogant altering of the contractual process which could parallel the blurring of a boundary in some other area of the client’s life.

So, even if you have the skills, knowledge and awareness to undertake psychotherapy, doing so in the wrong context highlights a lack of knowledge, awareness and skill in the coaching field.

Let’s celebrate difference and ensure we maintain boundaries between different fields of development.


For further information on coaching and supervision of coaches give us a call on: 44 (0)1455 824475