Making the Shift

How often do you feel that the other person you are relating has the upper hand in the dialogue?  Perhaps your role is new to that organisation, or your ideas don’t seem to fit in with that culture.  At such times the temptation is to either withdraw or fight.  Neither option is really effective.  Instead here’s an idea for you. 

I have just been facilitating a seminar for directors and shared with them this idea which was found to be valuable.   

You are sharing your opinion about a project with someone who discounts you and your views.  They seem to misunderstand you, your role and/or your perspective.  Rather than feeling angry or demoralised I invite you to consider this as an educational issue and keep yourself and them okay.  Then, having done a quick bit of positive internal self-talk, go for the idea of a mini-contracting process with them.   Let’s say the person you are talking with is called Peter and you are Chris.  Here’s what it might look like:

Peter: (Discounting your and your professional and organisational role) We’ve got this issue sorted really.  What you are offering doesn’t really fit with our frame of reference but I’m sure we can find a way of appeasing X/Y on this one.

Chris:  Mmm, that’s good information for me (keeping self & Peter OK).  As I’m new to this organisation/role would it be worth you taking an hour of your time to find out what I do and the impact on (sales/culture/community/customers etc.)? (A question that invites Peter to account rather than discount).  We could also discuss the relationship between our roles.  Would that be sufficiently important for you to put time aside? (Assessing the reality of the importance to Peter).

Peter:  Well, I guess it would.

Chris:  So, how are you fixed for …….. at ……? Shall I come here? 

Peter:  Yes, that’s fine.

Chris:  What might get in the way of that meeting?

Peter:  Well, X/Y could.

Chris:  Okay then, let’s reschedule at a time when you’ll be clear of any other pressures.         When would that be? (This last transaction helps to avoid sabotage).

This mini-contracting process is helpful because you are asking questions that need a “Yes” or “No” response.  In reality it is hard for someone to say “no” they’re not interested and you are also checking that they are not going to set up a meeting then cancel it.  It’s helpful if you can find something that they need to be cognisant of which might be sales, impact, budgets etc. so that they can see the benefits of meeting with you.  On the other hand, if they were to say “No” then at least you know where you are and you are then free to consider a different strategy. 

When you remain in the Mindful Process you will have more thinking available.  You are also more likely to hook the other person’s Mindful Process i.e. thinking, awareness, connection (for further details of the OK Modes Model which has Mindful at its heart see our book Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance.  Information on our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk).

Ø      When did this type of contracting process pay off for you? 

Ø      When, by keeping yourself and the other person OK, did you engage and enable effective communication?

We are available for in-house training and coaching.  In the meantime find out more about our approach and how we can be of assistance to you by purchasing "Working Together".  See Amazon.co.uk for reviews and download a free chapter from our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk.  We also facilitate open-workshops and Anita Mountain is available to speak at your event.

Coaching and the Client Contract

I was discussing coaching with someone the other day who had been informed that they could undertake psychotherapy within the coaching session. The rationale for this was based on what the content of the session was. However, it is not the content that makes the difference but the contract and the aim of the work being undertaken. It is not appropriate to undertake psychotherapy with a client when the contract has been for coaching as the aim of coaching is different.

With coaching the aim is to promote the client’s professional development and integrate performance with development. On the other hand the aim of psychotherapy is primarily the development of the individual, regardless of their professional life. Of course, when we develop personally we are also likely to develop professionally, however the aim of these two different fields, coaching and psychotherapy, are different.

I am both a psychotherapist and a coach and believe it is important not to blur the boundary between the two. If someone requires long term psychotherapy I will refer them on to a psychotherapist and remain as their coach.

We all have personal issues that may hamper our professional development, and professional issues that hamper our personal life, or just a lack of professional experience, knowledge or skill. These areas are appropriate to work with as long as the personal issues are not deep seated and cannot be resolved through a here-and-now co-creative intervention. However, where the issue is personal and only related to the client’s personal life, we should not work here, nor should we work with client issues that clearly require longer term psychotherapy, even if we are qualified to do so, as I am. This is because the contract for coaching, with its allied aims, are different to those of therapy. To my mind, at worst, it is a dangerous boundary to cross and, at best, an arrogant altering of the contractual process which could parallel the blurring of a boundary in some other area of the client’s life.

So, even if you have the skills, knowledge and awareness to undertake psychotherapy, doing so in the wrong context highlights a lack of knowledge, awareness and skill in the coaching field.

Let’s celebrate difference and ensure we maintain boundaries between different fields of development.


For further information on coaching and supervision of coaches give us a call on: 44 (0)1455 824475