Just prior to Christmas we went on the second of our twice yearly trips to train people in Russia. Working in Russia has always been an interesting and challenging process. We thoroughly enjoy the Russian hospitality and their curiosity and interest in whatever they are learning. This time we were teaching group work to about twenty-five strong-minded people, most of whom knew us from our previous workshops.
On the second day one participant moved a chair and a huge bang and flash occurred as an electrical wire had just been lodged into a hole in the wall of the training room and became dislodged by the chair. All the electrics went off in the room, including the heating. As it was -10 degrees Celcius outside this would eventually cause difficulties!
There were some interesting suggestions including buying candles and continuing to work in the room. The organiser went to locate the caretaker and chaos was looming large on the horizon as everyone thought they had a better idea. We decided to take the lead and went by our own health and safety standards i.e. do not work in a room where there is a possibility of a live cable, where the temperature would soon plummet and where there was no light!
Of course it is not always adviseable for facilitators to take the decision away from people. However, when agititation is increasing we need to be prepared to do just that. We therefore decided to take up the offer to move to another room on another floor. Had we been in a room that was within a commissioning organization the process would have been different. However, the organisers had rented this room and therefore we were in a position to continue with our role as facilitators and challenge the frame of reference about remaining there and obtaining candles.
How many times do people remain passive when decisions have to be made? All too often the loudest get their way, even if it is not necessarily based on sound rational judgement. How do we know that our decision is the right one? Well, of course this is often a difficult one to gauge. However, we can look at the evidence – in this situation:
• Is the room safe?
• Would it still be safe if someone outside the room “helpfully” turned the electricity back on again?
• Would it be safe to light the room with candles with 25 people in it?
• Would that make for a positive learning environment?
• How could this situation influence the learning outcomes of a course on group work if the facilitators, not the organisers, took charge of the decision-making?
• What are the processes and dynamics that are currently going on between group members and is this likely to escalate?
• Or whatever the “evidence” would be for your situation
Looking at this “evidence” often requires speed and clear thinking. Our thinking is enhanced when we remain in the Accounting mode and consider our role and responsibility, and then take the appropriate action.
(for further information on this concept go to: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html
Taking the leadership slot in Russia is even more important. Our experience has shown us that without a very structuring style of leadership the group process often regresses to one that is agitated and chaotic. We all need to recognise how important it is to know and understand the culture in which we are working. This particular incident happened in Russia and if it had happened here in the UK it is highly likely that the group would have responded very differently. We therefore need to keep in mind where we are, whether that be in a particular organization or a different culture. What are the norms and how should we respond whilst acknowledging and accounting others?
The blog next month will look at freedom and responsibility and we can also look at this situation from that perspective. The organisers could have taken their power and made the decision about what to do and we could have withdrawn from the decision-making process. Whilst we would have been free to do this we would also have role-modelled how to be passive and the already fraught atmosphere would more-than-likely have degenerated. During the next month how about letting us have your ideas passivity and the decision-making process.
Mountain Associates offer in-house and open workshops as well as coaching and consultancy. Our next Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis is on 9 -11 March; Getting to Grips with Groups is on 27-29 April and we will also be hosting a trainer from France who will be here in July facilitating a workshop on Organizational TA. See our website for information on supervision of coaches and our supervision course. Do get in touch if you would like further information.
Showing posts with label agitation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label agitation. Show all posts
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
From Passivity to Action
Are you one of those people who say things like “It’s hot in here” rather than “I would like to open the window, would anyone have any objections?”. Or perhaps you come in and the washing up is not done and you thought your partner would have done it as they were off all day. Resentfully, you set to and wash up. Alternatively you come in to work, Mavis is off sick and no one has organised who will do the lunch shift. You offer to do it and then are over-stretched and end up feeling victim to the situation.
These types of situations are about passivity and are non-problem solving behaviours and they all involve discounting – ignoring or denying some aspect of self, others or the situation.
There are five types of passivity:
• Doing nothing
• Over-adaptation
• Agitation
• Incapacitation
• Violence (the original version links this with incapacitation)
Doing nothing occurs when we have a difficulty but we are doing nothing to resolve it. We are not talking about it nor taking action. This would be the case if I were hot and did nothing to resolve it.
Over-adaptation is when we undertake actions we think someone else would want us to be doing, rather than thinking for ourselves. We might be motivated to do this for “a quiet life”, because we think “They won’t like us if we don’t” etc.
Agitation occurs when we have perhaps tried to over-adapt to someone else but we have not received the recognition we are seeking. We might then begin to tap our fingers or feet, pace up and down and so on. Again this does nothing to actually solve the problem and there is even less thinking available at this stage.
Once we get to the level of incapacitation there is even less thinking available. We may have gone off sick from work, passed out, or been so angry we are incapable of talking.
Violence may then occur is we have still not met our needs and believe that we are not being understood. However, we have not actually done anything to be understood or tried to understand anyone else’s perspective. Violence is often thought of as physical but it may actually be an abusive email or letter. Take for example the person who hangs up the phone on Janice. Janice calls back because she thinks she has been cut off as she had only just said “Hello” when Barry answered the phone. On calling back Janice gets the answer-phone, and, being confused because Barry had just spoken to her suggests that he call her back when he is ready as this may have been a bad time. Barry then sends an email in capital letters (which denotes shouting) saying he feels angry that she has insulted him, but gives no explanation how Janice had done this. He says that he does not want her to contact him again and she will just have to go through someone else if she wants anything as he won’t be treated like this. This sort of response is passive and does nothing to resolve the difficulties he is experiencing with Janice as she is not aware of what she has done and how she can rectify it.
To move from passivity to action we first have to believe that:
• we are important,
• other people have a right to be heard and understood, but not at our own expense
• we can solve problems
• we can stay in relationship – if the other person is willing
• we need to seek to understand the other person
• we need to get rid of all the “trash” in our heads that we have accumulated since the maternity ward (Berne E, 1984ed. What Do You Say After You Say Hello?, Corgi, p4)
• keep ourselves and the other person OK
Call us now for coaching, consultancy, bespoke training programmes and open workshops
These types of situations are about passivity and are non-problem solving behaviours and they all involve discounting – ignoring or denying some aspect of self, others or the situation.
There are five types of passivity:
• Doing nothing
• Over-adaptation
• Agitation
• Incapacitation
• Violence (the original version links this with incapacitation)
Doing nothing occurs when we have a difficulty but we are doing nothing to resolve it. We are not talking about it nor taking action. This would be the case if I were hot and did nothing to resolve it.
Over-adaptation is when we undertake actions we think someone else would want us to be doing, rather than thinking for ourselves. We might be motivated to do this for “a quiet life”, because we think “They won’t like us if we don’t” etc.
Agitation occurs when we have perhaps tried to over-adapt to someone else but we have not received the recognition we are seeking. We might then begin to tap our fingers or feet, pace up and down and so on. Again this does nothing to actually solve the problem and there is even less thinking available at this stage.
Once we get to the level of incapacitation there is even less thinking available. We may have gone off sick from work, passed out, or been so angry we are incapable of talking.
Violence may then occur is we have still not met our needs and believe that we are not being understood. However, we have not actually done anything to be understood or tried to understand anyone else’s perspective. Violence is often thought of as physical but it may actually be an abusive email or letter. Take for example the person who hangs up the phone on Janice. Janice calls back because she thinks she has been cut off as she had only just said “Hello” when Barry answered the phone. On calling back Janice gets the answer-phone, and, being confused because Barry had just spoken to her suggests that he call her back when he is ready as this may have been a bad time. Barry then sends an email in capital letters (which denotes shouting) saying he feels angry that she has insulted him, but gives no explanation how Janice had done this. He says that he does not want her to contact him again and she will just have to go through someone else if she wants anything as he won’t be treated like this. This sort of response is passive and does nothing to resolve the difficulties he is experiencing with Janice as she is not aware of what she has done and how she can rectify it.
To move from passivity to action we first have to believe that:
• we are important,
• other people have a right to be heard and understood, but not at our own expense
• we can solve problems
• we can stay in relationship – if the other person is willing
• we need to seek to understand the other person
• we need to get rid of all the “trash” in our heads that we have accumulated since the maternity ward (Berne E, 1984ed. What Do You Say After You Say Hello?, Corgi, p4)
• keep ourselves and the other person OK
Call us now for coaching, consultancy, bespoke training programmes and open workshops
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