The Coaching Contract

When receiving a coaching commission it is important to obtain a clear contract, not only with the person who is to be coached but with all those involved in the commission.  This could include their manager, finance director, etc.  The reason for this is that the contract needs to be agreed with all stakeholders so that there are no difficulties later on. 

This contracting session needs to cover the following areas: 

Professional:

Ø      What are the outcomes required from the work?

§         By the commissioning agent/other stakeholds

§         By the coaching client

Ø      Are these measureable, managable and motivational?*

Ø      Your competency and areas of responsibility

Ø      Confidentiality

Ø      The coaching client’s areas of responsibility 

Psychological:

Ø      What might be any unspoken agenda?

Ø      What might you be being asked for that you might not be able/willing to deliver?

Ø      What might the coaching client be expected to achieve that is not within their role, remit or the coaching remit  

Administrative:

Ø      To whom should invoices to sent?

Ø      Frequency

Ø      Where the coaching will take place

Ø      Frequency

Ø      Cancellation/postponement/late arrival for session details 

*Measureable, manageable and motivational means that there needs to be some detail here to ensure evaluation of the coaching is possible.  For example, it may be that everyone agrees that the person being coached needs to be “more confident” when managing and leading others.  Questions here need to include:

§         How will you know and how will others know that you are “more” confident i.e. how will you measure more?  What will you being doing differently?

§         From the stakeholder’s perspective, what different behaviour would they like to see etc. 

Problems and difficulties later on down the line often occur because there has been a lack of clarity early on in the contracting process.  Take a look at the chapter on contracting in our book Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published by Gower in 2011.
On reflection are the contracts you make sufficiently detailed?  What will you do to improve your contracting process?

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Getting In Your Own Way

Our beliefs can keep us from achieving what we want to achieve.  How many times do you say to yourself: 

Ø      I won’t be able to do that

Ø      People like me don’t make it

Ø      I didn’t get a degree so I’m not intelligent enough to….. 

Our thoughts prevent us from getting where we want to be.  These self-limiting beliefs are just that – beliefs.  However, we act as if they are facts and live our lives by them.   

Other beliefs include things like: 

Ø      If I enjoy myself today something awful will happen

Ø      I can’t do that until I’ve done ……. (e.g. all the work)

Ø      I tried that before and it didn’t work then and so I won’t bother again

Ø      I did succeed in doing………… but it wasn’t worth it

Ø      I did get there but now I see I that I need to be moving on to the next goal (the outcome of which is dissatisfaction) 

These beliefs are all part of our script.  The “script” in Transactional Analysis occurs when we make decisions when young, based on limited life experience, and live our lives accordingly.   

So, if you want to progress and experience being stuck, explore your beliefs about success.  Are you allowed to be successful?  What is success to you?  According to other people are you already successful but you don’t feel it?  What do you believe would happen if you became successful?  Are you “allowed” to be happy and successful?  What are you discounting that reinforces your belief that you’re not, or can’t be, successful?  What do you need to account that would help you shift your self-limiting beliefs?  (You may need to ask people who know you about this one!). 

Get in touch and share how changing your beliefs about self, others and life, has helped you move forward and own your success.

Buy our book today direct from our website, Amazon or Gower:  Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance.  There’s a free download chapter on our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk  Come to our guest workshop on Managing & Using Emotions in Organisations on 19 April, 2012, with Olivier Montadat from Paris and our next Developmental/Organisational TA module in May on The Politics of Attachment.  See our website for further information.

Making the Shift

How often do you feel that the other person you are relating has the upper hand in the dialogue?  Perhaps your role is new to that organisation, or your ideas don’t seem to fit in with that culture.  At such times the temptation is to either withdraw or fight.  Neither option is really effective.  Instead here’s an idea for you. 

I have just been facilitating a seminar for directors and shared with them this idea which was found to be valuable.   

You are sharing your opinion about a project with someone who discounts you and your views.  They seem to misunderstand you, your role and/or your perspective.  Rather than feeling angry or demoralised I invite you to consider this as an educational issue and keep yourself and them okay.  Then, having done a quick bit of positive internal self-talk, go for the idea of a mini-contracting process with them.   Let’s say the person you are talking with is called Peter and you are Chris.  Here’s what it might look like:

Peter: (Discounting your and your professional and organisational role) We’ve got this issue sorted really.  What you are offering doesn’t really fit with our frame of reference but I’m sure we can find a way of appeasing X/Y on this one.

Chris:  Mmm, that’s good information for me (keeping self & Peter OK).  As I’m new to this organisation/role would it be worth you taking an hour of your time to find out what I do and the impact on (sales/culture/community/customers etc.)? (A question that invites Peter to account rather than discount).  We could also discuss the relationship between our roles.  Would that be sufficiently important for you to put time aside? (Assessing the reality of the importance to Peter).

Peter:  Well, I guess it would.

Chris:  So, how are you fixed for …….. at ……? Shall I come here? 

Peter:  Yes, that’s fine.

Chris:  What might get in the way of that meeting?

Peter:  Well, X/Y could.

Chris:  Okay then, let’s reschedule at a time when you’ll be clear of any other pressures.         When would that be? (This last transaction helps to avoid sabotage).

This mini-contracting process is helpful because you are asking questions that need a “Yes” or “No” response.  In reality it is hard for someone to say “no” they’re not interested and you are also checking that they are not going to set up a meeting then cancel it.  It’s helpful if you can find something that they need to be cognisant of which might be sales, impact, budgets etc. so that they can see the benefits of meeting with you.  On the other hand, if they were to say “No” then at least you know where you are and you are then free to consider a different strategy. 

When you remain in the Mindful Process you will have more thinking available.  You are also more likely to hook the other person’s Mindful Process i.e. thinking, awareness, connection (for further details of the OK Modes Model which has Mindful at its heart see our book Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance.  Information on our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk).

Ø      When did this type of contracting process pay off for you? 

Ø      When, by keeping yourself and the other person OK, did you engage and enable effective communication?

We are available for in-house training and coaching.  In the meantime find out more about our approach and how we can be of assistance to you by purchasing "Working Together".  See Amazon.co.uk for reviews and download a free chapter from our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk.  We also facilitate open-workshops and Anita Mountain is available to speak at your event.

Dare To Be Different

If you have an idea that you are excited and passionate about then listen to your passion.  People follow people who are passionate and if you want to be a leader then you need to take people with you – and passion can do that.  Passion does mean being prepared to be different though.  How many people do you know that are passionate about the work that they do, or the processes they are involved in?  Few I bet.   

When we meet people who are passionate about life, what they do, other people, we tend to feel drawn toward them.  Therefore if you have an idea, are a leader or manager and want to move forward, then take people with you with your passion – albeit passion with positive processes and strategic thinking.   

It is often too easy to be put off by our own negative thinking, for example:  “This will never happen to someone like me”, or “If that worked then something awful will follow” or “Who am I to think I can……..”  It will be all too easy to find those who act as the discouraging committee, instead, find people who will be the encouraging committee and go for it.   

If you are someone who believes they have too much to lose by going out on a limb then think about how you can minimise those risks and what strategies you can use.  Simple things are often the best.  Anything is possible if we think positively and move forward.  Afterall it took 178 attempts before Eddison developed the light bulb, and he is known for saying that he found 178 ways for the light not to work!  With a positive frame of mind and his passion he continued and was successful.  The same goes today for those who are determined to do things differently, whether at work or in their personal lives.  In the work place others may be doing things they way they have always been done, leading the organization to at best stagnate and at worst to decline.  Do things differently, find people with whom you can check out your ideas and go for it.

Let us know what you have done that was different and how this led to success. Inspire others and comment below.

For coaching, consultancy and training contact Mountain Associates and see how we can support you and your workforce.  Our guest workshop on 19 April is Managing Emotions in the Workplace with Olivier Montadat, go to our website for further details:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk/orgta_topics Download a free chapter and buy our book Working Together: www.mountain-associates.co.uk

Lifting Your Limits in 2012*

Most of us never achieve our true potential because we have self-limiting beliefs which we treat as a fact.  These beliefs then influence the way we relate with others and the work we do and the way we do it.  We may have had dreams and ideas about what we would like to do but think that “people like us” can’t do things like “that”. 

These beliefs will affect our leadership styles, how we work with other people and how we express our opinions – or not as the case might be. 

Check out what you believe about yourself, others and life: 

Ø      Have you been acting as if these are facts when they are really beliefs? 

Ø      What effect has this been having on your life, including the job you do, and how you do it, the relationships you have and how you are within those? 

Ø      What will you believe instead?

Ø      What difference will this make in your life? 

Ø      What do you need to do to reinforce this new belief? 

Ø      From whom do you need support? 

Ø      When will you ask them for this support?

Ø      What will you do if you forget and go down the old pathway?

Ø      What will you do to reinforce this new belief?

Ø      How will you know when this new belief is really cemented in?

Ø      How will you celebrate your changes? 

Enjoy 2012 and think big, because we all need to shoot for the stars so that even if we miss we’ll get the moon!  Put out your intention and lift your limits*.

*Lifting Your Limits is a programme created by four of us, two consultant clinical psychologists and two Transactional Analysts.  To enquire about this course contact: ta@mountain-associates.co.uk  In the meantime read out book:  Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published by Gower and available from them as well as Amazon. Or come on our next Official Introducation to TA.

Stress - whose responsibility?

Stress can be very invasive and if you are not in tune with early warning signs of stress you can often feel as if it has crept up on you. How you deal with stress is due to historical and habitual responses. Responses differ as a consequence of different cultures, experiences, beliefs and personalities. For example, if in a crisis, a report needs to be produced within a day, you might see this as a challenge or you may become stressed by it. You could be someone who enjoys managing twenty staff or be someone who prefers to work at home alone. Ensuring the right person is in the right job acts as a protection for both the organization and the individual.

When stressed you are likely to react in one or more of the following ways:

·         make more mistakes

·         prefer solitude

·         want to go further and further with the challenges, raising your stress levels ever higher

·         need to be right

·         become over–controlling

·         believe there is something wrong with you

Resilience is a key factor in stress prevention. Resilience is the ability to recover despite periodical setbacks and problems. Highly resilient people know how to bounce back and find a way to have things turn out well.  

Stress can be eased through the ability to make good relationships because then you are likely to believe that you are OK and others are also OK. If you have difficulty in forming relationships you are likely to believe that either, you are not OK and others are better than you, or that you are better than others. Believing that everyone is OK offers a secure base from which to operate. When this happens attachment to your team and to the organization is likely to increase. One outcome of this is that you will be able to appropriately say ‘No’ to things whilst still keeping yourself and others OK.

All organizations need to take account of the organizational culture, leadership styles and the current pressures being faced by leaders and shop floor workers alike.  It is not only the individual who is responsible for their own stress but so too is the organization.  If a manager's leadership style is brusque and aggressive this will inevitably have an effect on the workforce.  Good management entails effective supervision which in turn entails noticing when someone is on overload and doing something about it.  

One of the causes of stress on people is the need to multi–task. Administrators and secretarial staff have to do this a lot – be it writing a report, answering a query when someone comes to their office or answering the phone. Whilst this is an accepted pressure for administrators it does not mean that it is necessarily any easier for them than for others. The western world tends to see multi–tasking as good, hence the comments about women being able to do it well, whereas men are often seen as lacking this ability. Whether or not this is a fallacy it does highlight that fact that multi–tasking is valued. Getting your life in balance probably means doing less multi–tasking and becoming more focused.

For more on managing yourself and others then buy our book: Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, Gower, 2011, also available from Amazon.  You can also attend our Advanced Communication Skills, Level 1, (incorporating the Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis) later this month but you can register for our next one in February, 2012.  Go to our website: http://courses.mountain-associates.co.uk/ta101.html

That's going too far!

I was recently at a seminar where the trainer talked about how to get on with a client.  One example given related to visiting a client organization and when the person you are seeing asks if you would like a drink then you are advised to check what they are having and have the same.  He went on to say that if you don’t do this you won’t get the work with the organization.   

From a Transactional Analysis perspective this is not a helpful suggestion.  By asking what the client is drinking makes it look like you don’t have your own thoughts (or even taste buds!).  This means that you could be experienced as being willing to please them and if they do commission you they may, albeit subconsciously, be doing so because you will adapt to them.   

If I ask what someone would like to drink I expect them to take responsibility for saying what they would like.  If, in the example given, the client expects you to adapt to them then I would suggest that you don’t work for them.  This matching approach might be experienced by some as good practice but for TA people it reinforces passive behaviour.   

Matching in terms of the words we use and the pace in which we talk is one thing, but matching in terms of likes and dislikes is certainly another - for me that's going too far.

People buy from people and, at some point if you try to over-adapt it can (a) reinforce your belief that you are not as important as someone else and should not have your own thoughts or (b) you will not be able to maintain this style and then the relationship will break down as it was developed on a false premise or (c) it sends a signal to the client that you are ready to be “pleasing” and put your own needs to one side. 

The motto here is “Be Yourself”.  Use your relationship and communications skills, and learn techniques for improving these, but balance this with listening to yourself as well.

Buy our book “Working Together, Organization Transactional Analysis and Business Performance”, published by Gower.  Go to our website for a free chapter and the links to Gower and Amazon:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk

If you are looking for a keynote speaker then give us a call right now and let’s see if Anita Mountain is a match for your needs.