Blog move

Hi Everyone,

I guess by now you may have realised that we have moved the blog so that it is integrated within our own website:  http://blog.mountain-associates.co.uk/

Do come back to us there and say "Hi", leave your comments and follow us.  We look forward to dialoguing with you.

You can also find us at Mountain Associates on Facebook and on Twitter @MountainAssoc as well as find Anita on LinkedIn.  Please click Like on our Facebook page.

Thank you to those of you who are following us and who have bought our book Working Together; Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published last year by Gower and receiving rave reviews on Amazon. 

Our new bi-monthly one-day training in Developmental/Organisational TA is now published on our site.  Each training day is followed by an optional supervision day. If you're passionate about your cpd, about improving your understanding of self, others and organisations then this could be for you.  You are now able to obtain a certificate, diploma and Masters in Developmental TA.  Whether you wish to take qualifications or not you are welcome to attend our training.  The prerequisite for which is ideally a TA101 or that you have read our book.  As we only work with small groups places are limited. Take a look and register now:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk

We also facilitate Advanced Communication Skills, Level 1 (incorporating the Official Introduction to TA, the TA101), so keep an eye on the website for information about our upcoming courses.

Mountain Associates have worked with a range of organisations from the RAF and MoD to Local Authorities and private companies including Swisslog; Sandler Sales Training etc. Anita Mountain available as a coach, keynote speaker and consultant.  Call us now on +44 (0)1455 824475 or email us at: ta@mountain-associates.co.uk

Transforming Human Capital & Human Resources to Human Kind

I just read something that referred to the workforce as “Human Capital”.  When we do this we reinforce previous outdated beliefs about the lazy uneducated workforce that require managing and motivating.  The terminology “capital” and “resources” imply that people are there for productivity and are thus objectified and dehumanized.   

In order to really make change and increase productivity we need to have compassion and be Mindful about ourselves, others, our interactions and the situation.  Making money and being successful can, contrary to come opinions, be possible without exploiting others. 

What are your beliefs about money?  What did your parents/carers express about money when you were a child?  If they were discussing money, what would they be saying?  What feelings would you be picking up about their situation at that time?  What are the phrases you heard from them about money?  

For many of us these phrases may well be negative or self-negating.  We pick up messages such as “People like us won’t be able to be rich”, “There’s an ‘us’ and ‘them’ and ‘they’ have and ‘we’ don’t/won’t have”, “Life is hard, and we have to fight it” etc.  These messages go into our sub-conscious, remain there and we unknowingly live by them.   

Imagine this picture: You are highly successful and go to see your parents.  They notice your new car and ask you about it.  What do their facial expressions say?  What do you pick up from them about success and wealth?  For example we might keep ourselves from being successful in order to belong in a family that might not accept us if we were successful. 

Alternatively, some people are financially independent and have been acculturated into success and do see others as “Human Capital” or “Human Resources” and treat other people accordingly.  These people can then reinforce any negative frames of reference we have about wealth and success.  They appear arrogant, controlling and selfish.  However, not everyone who has money and who is successful is this way.  We tend to notice those people who reinforce our negative beliefs and this can keep us stuck. 

·    Who could you look to that would give you positive permissions to be wealthy and successful? 

·    If you believed you could be successful how would you behave?

·    How would this effect your creativity and ideas about what was possible and what was not?

·    How would this affect your levels of confidence and self-worth?

·    How would this affect your view of life in general? 

So, explore your beliefs and check how they affect you today.  Are you actually really being Mindful, i.e. in the present moment, or are you operating from out-dated past messages? In short, be “Human Kind”, be compassionate to self and others - and productivity is still likely to increase! 

Check out our website for our open workshops on Transactional Analysis.  Contact us now about courses, coaching and supervision.  Buy our latest book, “Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance”.  Book Anita Mountain as a speaker for your next event.

Working with Narcissism

Narcissism is an over-inflated view of oneself and the belief that you are more special than anyone else.  There may also be a group of other people with whom they identify that help to boost the ego.

Take a look at some of the discussion sites, instead of listening to each other people are often out to prove themselves through statements such as “I’m saying something that is very radical”, or “When I’m talking with high powered people”. There is a sense that rather than dialogue the person with narcissistic qualities is taking part in order to prove they have something special to offer the masses.

Narcissistic people get followers.  As long as those followers do just that i.e. “follow”, they will be accepted.  However, as soon as the symbiosis is broken then they are likely to be “ex-communicated” and the “leader” will play such games as “Now I’ve got you”. 

Narcissism is on the increase and adverts play into the narcissistic culture, appealing to those who want to look younger, be free etc. all of which are on offer through a particular product such as botox. 

Very often narcissism is confused with charisma and self-promotion.  There is a difference between being confident and knowing what your “field of genius is” and believing that you are better than others. When talking about OKness one Transactional Analyst theorist (White T) said that those who are narcissistic come from the position of I’m OK and You’re irrelevant!  Of course, they can also come from I’m OK and You’re not OK.  What we must remember is that there is a fragility of the self, even though it doesn’t seem like it.

These days there is greater competition alongside which is the breakdown of the social contract e.g. for organizational pensions, health plans etc. Because of the scarcity of jobs the potential, and current, workforce is expected to be self-promoting.  The issue is how to remain humble and yet be confident about your “field of genius”.  

We need to remember that those who show narcissistic behaviour do so because of early “wounding”.  This can happen through being over-indulged of even by being ignored.  The workplace is not there to “cure” individuals.  However, it is important for people to recognise the behaviours of narcissism and ensure that symbiosis does not occur as this will fuel the narcissistic fire and can be detrimental to the organizational culture and the sense of safety. 

• Do you think narcissism is on the increase?
• Do you think someone with a narcissistic personality is good for an organisation?

We will be facilitating a workshop on personality types and in particular on narcissism on 14/15/16 March, 2013.  Register now for our Developmental/Organizational Transactional Analysis programme.  Go to: www.mountain-associates.co.uk/orgta_topics1213.html

Official Partner to the World Business and Executive Coach Summit – sign up now

Buy our book: Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published by Gower.

The Coaching Contract

When receiving a coaching commission it is important to obtain a clear contract, not only with the person who is to be coached but with all those involved in the commission.  This could include their manager, finance director, etc.  The reason for this is that the contract needs to be agreed with all stakeholders so that there are no difficulties later on. 

This contracting session needs to cover the following areas: 

Professional:

Ø      What are the outcomes required from the work?

§         By the commissioning agent/other stakeholds

§         By the coaching client

Ø      Are these measureable, managable and motivational?*

Ø      Your competency and areas of responsibility

Ø      Confidentiality

Ø      The coaching client’s areas of responsibility 

Psychological:

Ø      What might be any unspoken agenda?

Ø      What might you be being asked for that you might not be able/willing to deliver?

Ø      What might the coaching client be expected to achieve that is not within their role, remit or the coaching remit  

Administrative:

Ø      To whom should invoices to sent?

Ø      Frequency

Ø      Where the coaching will take place

Ø      Frequency

Ø      Cancellation/postponement/late arrival for session details 

*Measureable, manageable and motivational means that there needs to be some detail here to ensure evaluation of the coaching is possible.  For example, it may be that everyone agrees that the person being coached needs to be “more confident” when managing and leading others.  Questions here need to include:

§         How will you know and how will others know that you are “more” confident i.e. how will you measure more?  What will you being doing differently?

§         From the stakeholder’s perspective, what different behaviour would they like to see etc. 

Problems and difficulties later on down the line often occur because there has been a lack of clarity early on in the contracting process.  Take a look at the chapter on contracting in our book Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published by Gower in 2011.
On reflection are the contracts you make sufficiently detailed?  What will you do to improve your contracting process?

Official partners for The World Business Business and Executive Coach Summit.

Getting In Your Own Way

Our beliefs can keep us from achieving what we want to achieve.  How many times do you say to yourself: 

Ø      I won’t be able to do that

Ø      People like me don’t make it

Ø      I didn’t get a degree so I’m not intelligent enough to….. 

Our thoughts prevent us from getting where we want to be.  These self-limiting beliefs are just that – beliefs.  However, we act as if they are facts and live our lives by them.   

Other beliefs include things like: 

Ø      If I enjoy myself today something awful will happen

Ø      I can’t do that until I’ve done ……. (e.g. all the work)

Ø      I tried that before and it didn’t work then and so I won’t bother again

Ø      I did succeed in doing………… but it wasn’t worth it

Ø      I did get there but now I see I that I need to be moving on to the next goal (the outcome of which is dissatisfaction) 

These beliefs are all part of our script.  The “script” in Transactional Analysis occurs when we make decisions when young, based on limited life experience, and live our lives accordingly.   

So, if you want to progress and experience being stuck, explore your beliefs about success.  Are you allowed to be successful?  What is success to you?  According to other people are you already successful but you don’t feel it?  What do you believe would happen if you became successful?  Are you “allowed” to be happy and successful?  What are you discounting that reinforces your belief that you’re not, or can’t be, successful?  What do you need to account that would help you shift your self-limiting beliefs?  (You may need to ask people who know you about this one!). 

Get in touch and share how changing your beliefs about self, others and life, has helped you move forward and own your success.

Buy our book today direct from our website, Amazon or Gower:  Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance.  There’s a free download chapter on our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk  Come to our guest workshop on Managing & Using Emotions in Organisations on 19 April, 2012, with Olivier Montadat from Paris and our next Developmental/Organisational TA module in May on The Politics of Attachment.  See our website for further information.

Making the Shift

How often do you feel that the other person you are relating has the upper hand in the dialogue?  Perhaps your role is new to that organisation, or your ideas don’t seem to fit in with that culture.  At such times the temptation is to either withdraw or fight.  Neither option is really effective.  Instead here’s an idea for you. 

I have just been facilitating a seminar for directors and shared with them this idea which was found to be valuable.   

You are sharing your opinion about a project with someone who discounts you and your views.  They seem to misunderstand you, your role and/or your perspective.  Rather than feeling angry or demoralised I invite you to consider this as an educational issue and keep yourself and them okay.  Then, having done a quick bit of positive internal self-talk, go for the idea of a mini-contracting process with them.   Let’s say the person you are talking with is called Peter and you are Chris.  Here’s what it might look like:

Peter: (Discounting your and your professional and organisational role) We’ve got this issue sorted really.  What you are offering doesn’t really fit with our frame of reference but I’m sure we can find a way of appeasing X/Y on this one.

Chris:  Mmm, that’s good information for me (keeping self & Peter OK).  As I’m new to this organisation/role would it be worth you taking an hour of your time to find out what I do and the impact on (sales/culture/community/customers etc.)? (A question that invites Peter to account rather than discount).  We could also discuss the relationship between our roles.  Would that be sufficiently important for you to put time aside? (Assessing the reality of the importance to Peter).

Peter:  Well, I guess it would.

Chris:  So, how are you fixed for …….. at ……? Shall I come here? 

Peter:  Yes, that’s fine.

Chris:  What might get in the way of that meeting?

Peter:  Well, X/Y could.

Chris:  Okay then, let’s reschedule at a time when you’ll be clear of any other pressures.         When would that be? (This last transaction helps to avoid sabotage).

This mini-contracting process is helpful because you are asking questions that need a “Yes” or “No” response.  In reality it is hard for someone to say “no” they’re not interested and you are also checking that they are not going to set up a meeting then cancel it.  It’s helpful if you can find something that they need to be cognisant of which might be sales, impact, budgets etc. so that they can see the benefits of meeting with you.  On the other hand, if they were to say “No” then at least you know where you are and you are then free to consider a different strategy. 

When you remain in the Mindful Process you will have more thinking available.  You are also more likely to hook the other person’s Mindful Process i.e. thinking, awareness, connection (for further details of the OK Modes Model which has Mindful at its heart see our book Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance.  Information on our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk).

Ø      When did this type of contracting process pay off for you? 

Ø      When, by keeping yourself and the other person OK, did you engage and enable effective communication?

We are available for in-house training and coaching.  In the meantime find out more about our approach and how we can be of assistance to you by purchasing "Working Together".  See Amazon.co.uk for reviews and download a free chapter from our website:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk.  We also facilitate open-workshops and Anita Mountain is available to speak at your event.

Dare To Be Different

If you have an idea that you are excited and passionate about then listen to your passion.  People follow people who are passionate and if you want to be a leader then you need to take people with you – and passion can do that.  Passion does mean being prepared to be different though.  How many people do you know that are passionate about the work that they do, or the processes they are involved in?  Few I bet.   

When we meet people who are passionate about life, what they do, other people, we tend to feel drawn toward them.  Therefore if you have an idea, are a leader or manager and want to move forward, then take people with you with your passion – albeit passion with positive processes and strategic thinking.   

It is often too easy to be put off by our own negative thinking, for example:  “This will never happen to someone like me”, or “If that worked then something awful will follow” or “Who am I to think I can……..”  It will be all too easy to find those who act as the discouraging committee, instead, find people who will be the encouraging committee and go for it.   

If you are someone who believes they have too much to lose by going out on a limb then think about how you can minimise those risks and what strategies you can use.  Simple things are often the best.  Anything is possible if we think positively and move forward.  Afterall it took 178 attempts before Eddison developed the light bulb, and he is known for saying that he found 178 ways for the light not to work!  With a positive frame of mind and his passion he continued and was successful.  The same goes today for those who are determined to do things differently, whether at work or in their personal lives.  In the work place others may be doing things they way they have always been done, leading the organization to at best stagnate and at worst to decline.  Do things differently, find people with whom you can check out your ideas and go for it.

Let us know what you have done that was different and how this led to success. Inspire others and comment below.

For coaching, consultancy and training contact Mountain Associates and see how we can support you and your workforce.  Our guest workshop on 19 April is Managing Emotions in the Workplace with Olivier Montadat, go to our website for further details:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk/orgta_topics Download a free chapter and buy our book Working Together: www.mountain-associates.co.uk

Lifting Your Limits in 2012*

Most of us never achieve our true potential because we have self-limiting beliefs which we treat as a fact.  These beliefs then influence the way we relate with others and the work we do and the way we do it.  We may have had dreams and ideas about what we would like to do but think that “people like us” can’t do things like “that”. 

These beliefs will affect our leadership styles, how we work with other people and how we express our opinions – or not as the case might be. 

Check out what you believe about yourself, others and life: 

Ø      Have you been acting as if these are facts when they are really beliefs? 

Ø      What effect has this been having on your life, including the job you do, and how you do it, the relationships you have and how you are within those? 

Ø      What will you believe instead?

Ø      What difference will this make in your life? 

Ø      What do you need to do to reinforce this new belief? 

Ø      From whom do you need support? 

Ø      When will you ask them for this support?

Ø      What will you do if you forget and go down the old pathway?

Ø      What will you do to reinforce this new belief?

Ø      How will you know when this new belief is really cemented in?

Ø      How will you celebrate your changes? 

Enjoy 2012 and think big, because we all need to shoot for the stars so that even if we miss we’ll get the moon!  Put out your intention and lift your limits*.

*Lifting Your Limits is a programme created by four of us, two consultant clinical psychologists and two Transactional Analysts.  To enquire about this course contact: ta@mountain-associates.co.uk  In the meantime read out book:  Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published by Gower and available from them as well as Amazon. Or come on our next Official Introducation to TA.

Stress - whose responsibility?

Stress can be very invasive and if you are not in tune with early warning signs of stress you can often feel as if it has crept up on you. How you deal with stress is due to historical and habitual responses. Responses differ as a consequence of different cultures, experiences, beliefs and personalities. For example, if in a crisis, a report needs to be produced within a day, you might see this as a challenge or you may become stressed by it. You could be someone who enjoys managing twenty staff or be someone who prefers to work at home alone. Ensuring the right person is in the right job acts as a protection for both the organization and the individual.

When stressed you are likely to react in one or more of the following ways:

·         make more mistakes

·         prefer solitude

·         want to go further and further with the challenges, raising your stress levels ever higher

·         need to be right

·         become over–controlling

·         believe there is something wrong with you

Resilience is a key factor in stress prevention. Resilience is the ability to recover despite periodical setbacks and problems. Highly resilient people know how to bounce back and find a way to have things turn out well.  

Stress can be eased through the ability to make good relationships because then you are likely to believe that you are OK and others are also OK. If you have difficulty in forming relationships you are likely to believe that either, you are not OK and others are better than you, or that you are better than others. Believing that everyone is OK offers a secure base from which to operate. When this happens attachment to your team and to the organization is likely to increase. One outcome of this is that you will be able to appropriately say ‘No’ to things whilst still keeping yourself and others OK.

All organizations need to take account of the organizational culture, leadership styles and the current pressures being faced by leaders and shop floor workers alike.  It is not only the individual who is responsible for their own stress but so too is the organization.  If a manager's leadership style is brusque and aggressive this will inevitably have an effect on the workforce.  Good management entails effective supervision which in turn entails noticing when someone is on overload and doing something about it.  

One of the causes of stress on people is the need to multi–task. Administrators and secretarial staff have to do this a lot – be it writing a report, answering a query when someone comes to their office or answering the phone. Whilst this is an accepted pressure for administrators it does not mean that it is necessarily any easier for them than for others. The western world tends to see multi–tasking as good, hence the comments about women being able to do it well, whereas men are often seen as lacking this ability. Whether or not this is a fallacy it does highlight that fact that multi–tasking is valued. Getting your life in balance probably means doing less multi–tasking and becoming more focused.

For more on managing yourself and others then buy our book: Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, Gower, 2011, also available from Amazon.  You can also attend our Advanced Communication Skills, Level 1, (incorporating the Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis) later this month but you can register for our next one in February, 2012.  Go to our website: http://courses.mountain-associates.co.uk/ta101.html

That's going too far!

I was recently at a seminar where the trainer talked about how to get on with a client.  One example given related to visiting a client organization and when the person you are seeing asks if you would like a drink then you are advised to check what they are having and have the same.  He went on to say that if you don’t do this you won’t get the work with the organization.   

From a Transactional Analysis perspective this is not a helpful suggestion.  By asking what the client is drinking makes it look like you don’t have your own thoughts (or even taste buds!).  This means that you could be experienced as being willing to please them and if they do commission you they may, albeit subconsciously, be doing so because you will adapt to them.   

If I ask what someone would like to drink I expect them to take responsibility for saying what they would like.  If, in the example given, the client expects you to adapt to them then I would suggest that you don’t work for them.  This matching approach might be experienced by some as good practice but for TA people it reinforces passive behaviour.   

Matching in terms of the words we use and the pace in which we talk is one thing, but matching in terms of likes and dislikes is certainly another - for me that's going too far.

People buy from people and, at some point if you try to over-adapt it can (a) reinforce your belief that you are not as important as someone else and should not have your own thoughts or (b) you will not be able to maintain this style and then the relationship will break down as it was developed on a false premise or (c) it sends a signal to the client that you are ready to be “pleasing” and put your own needs to one side. 

The motto here is “Be Yourself”.  Use your relationship and communications skills, and learn techniques for improving these, but balance this with listening to yourself as well.

Buy our book “Working Together, Organization Transactional Analysis and Business Performance”, published by Gower.  Go to our website for a free chapter and the links to Gower and Amazon:  www.mountain-associates.co.uk

If you are looking for a keynote speaker then give us a call right now and let’s see if Anita Mountain is a match for your needs.

Be Yourself

Many of the people I coach come because they experience difficulties in relating to others, or to specific kinds of people. Mostly the issue is us - our attitude, our frame of reference about ourselves, others and life. Even if other people are experienced as "difficult" by a range of other people it is still up to us how we respond. If we believe that we are as good as anyone else then, even when under stress, we can find ways to keep ourselves okay. For example, there are often people whose only way of feeling okay is to put someone else down and attempt to sabotage any progress or success others are having. If we lose our grip at these times then we are likely to spiral downwards.

In order to deal with sabotaging behaviour, negativity and put-downs you need to talk to yourself positively. If you don't have sufficient strength in your Structuring Modes of behaviour (see our website on OK Modes to understand this further) then consider what someone else you respect might say. This will help you to stay Mindful (in the present moment) and take the appropriate steps. If you need to relate with this person then how you respond will be different to if you don't. If you should fall into the hole of making yourself not OK then you are giving your power away and agreeing with the other person's manipulative behaviour. Remaining in the here-and-now means that you will have more thinking available and there are ways in which you can deal with people that keep them okay but also set and maintain boundaries. This will also be of assistance to keep yourself feeling okay, despite the difficulties you are experiencing.

For more information on working with others, including issues of bullying, conflict and stress, then buy our book "Working Together: Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance" published by Gower and also available on Amazon. Free downloadable chapter available on our website: www.mountain-associates.co.uk

If you resonate with this blog and are ready to overcome workplace challenges and create a breakthrough in your work environment, I would love to support you. Contact me now for your complimentary Workplace Breakthrough coaching session: +44 (0) 1455 824475; or email us: ta@mountain-associates.co.uk   Talk to you soon.

Key Leadership Functions

A recent article by J. Moore in The Independent was entitled “Why MBAs will have to adapt to survive” (June 23, 2011). In that article Moore quoted Guerra who apparently advised you young people to plan to have multiple careers, expect to be made redundant, and brace themselves for personal and economic crises. This is hardly an inspiring message to those coming into the world of work. We also need to consider what impact this type of world has, and will have, on employers, not just employees? What will they need to do to support their workforce?

One of a leader’s key functions is to enable the development of sense of belonging, without which there will be little trust and more energy will be expended on defensiveness and conflict, which in turn will effect productivity. To develop belonging leaders will need to ensure that they know how to get their message across, communicating clearly and in a way that is accepting of those they work with. Leaders will need to develop strategies that are in line with the organization’s purpose and identity and at the same time take account of the individual.

However, developing a sense of belonging may be difficult when the frame of reference may well be “What’s the point, I may be out of here pretty soon”. Those people who come from this position may well end up lacking connection and therefore trust. Instead we need to find ways to make connection with, and between individuals, and to offer positive recognition for being and doing. We need to start from strengths and be prepared to encourage the workforce to develop and hone their skills so that they are valued within the market place. In addition to all this we will need to develop resiliency and find ways to reinvent ourselves, and we can only do this if we value and like ourselves. If not, when difficulties arise it will be all too easy to get into blaming self and/or others and from here the shift to a positive frame of reference is harder to achieve.

One way to stay positive is to find out what you want, not just at the conscious level, but at the unconscious level. What are you allowed to have, what do you really want, do these two conflict? What do you believe about yourself and others? Is this positive? Does this way of thinking help you? Does it get you what you need, including real and valued relationships? There are many other questions that could go here but this blog is not the place. If you would like to explore your fundamental goals and find ways to develop and maintain your resilience then do get in contact.

Our book Working Together: Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, is now published by Gower and receiving positive responses. For a sample chapter go to: www.mountain-associates.co.uk. For coaching and in-house training contact ta@mountain-associates.co.uk or call us now on 01455 824475.

What Underpins your Life?

When we first meet someone we can get a sense of their frame of reference on life. This may not be at an overt level but we may sense it. I’m sure you’ve met people who come across as if they have to get in first before you outdo them. They come across as Mr or Ms Angry. Then there are other people whose starting point is that they are not good enough so tend to be backward in coming forward, and believe they are helpless, whilst others believe no-one is any good and that life is hopeless.

These beliefs and frames of reference are not necessarily verbally transmitted (though of course this will also happen). It may just be that we meet each other and there is a way in which we and they hold ourselves, greet the other person, look in a particular way, that may indicate our underpinning view of self, others and life.

Unlike with buildings, this “underpinning” can be the cause of poor communication and therefore poor relationships. Get this sorted and many other things fall into place. As soon as we start to believe we’re as good as anyone else then we will be willing and able to meet people on an equal basis. Believing we are better or worse than others is just that, a belief but we often act as if it is a fact. Thank goodness that beliefs can be changed.

This all links with the concept of OKness in Transactional Analysis, so take a look at our website to see what this is all about: www.mountain-associates.co.uk – or buy our book: Working Together, Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, published by Gower on 22 June, 2011.

So set to and sort out those outdated beliefs.

If you want support to change then contact us for coaching, training and consultancy: 01455 824475 or ta@mountain-associates.co.uk

Avoiding Game Playing

Some of you may know that in Transactional Analysis a definition of a “game” is a familiar pattern of behaviour with a predictable outcome. In other words you will be able to describe a game by saying when they do ………., I do ……….., then they do………….then ………happens and I end up feeling ………. (of course, you might have initiated the transactions). So by the end of the game you might find yourself saying something like “Why does this always happen to me?”, or “How did that happen again?”

When someone else initiates a game one way to keep out of it is to notice the discount. Every game starts with a discount. To discount something is to ignore or deny some aspect of reality, this is done outside our awareness. For example, someone might say something and there appear to be two messages going on – one at the social, or surface level and the other at the ulterior, or psychological level. Here’s what someone may say: “Where is that report you said you would do by today?” On the surface it sounds like just a factual question, but add in a tone that says you are late with this, then the whole thing sounds and feels totally different.

When face to face, it is often easier to notice these two levels as the content and the tone of voice are not congruent. However, how do you pick this up in an email? One way is to look for a communication that hints at something else other than what is in the content. Here are some ideas of questions to ask yourself:

• Is the other person clear about what they want?
• Do they have any right to make this request or demand?
• Do they ignore or deny some aspect of reality? In other words are they putting you, someone else, the situation or themselves down?
• How do I feel about what they are saying?
• Does the tone of the communication remind me of anything or anyone from my past?
• If so, how will I unhook myself from the past situation and/or person so that I can respond in a mindful, here and now way?
• Do I have a sense that there is something or someone else behind the surface-level communication with this person?
• What is the outcome I want?
• Have they stated the final outcome they want?
• Do I feel I’m in a monologue rather than a dialogue?

If you are unclear about any of these questions then you need to be more considered in your response and seek clarification from the other person or people. You might ask them for clarification of a point for example, or check what their interest might be in what you are doing, saying etc. so that you find out the intention behind their actions. In other words get the contract clear so that you will all know when you have agreed the end point and the actions necessary to achieve this outcome.

There are many other aspects to avoiding game playing but I thought it would be helpful to outline ways to spot a discounting process. Just taking the time out to ask yourself these questions will slow down the process and give you time to make a more considered response that is more likely to avoid getting into a game. All of which is likely to lead you to a happier more contented working life.

Happy discount spotting!

Let us know about discounts that you have been involved in and what you did to get straight communication. Please be respectful to others and keep them OK in the process as we play games outside of our awareness. It's always best to talk about your own discount or talk generally without naming, shaming or blaming others.

Find out more about how to improve relationships and communication with others and buy our book: Working Together: Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, to be published by Gower in July, or come on our next Advance Communication Skills, level 1 (incorporating The Official Introduction to TA) on 14-16 June and again on 22-24 November, 2011. For more details go to our website: www.mountain-associates.co.uk

Challenge or Shame and Ridicule?

I was recently at a seminar where a particular approach to interventions with our coaching clients was the theme. In teaching us this approach the facilitator consistently undertook interventions with the audience to illuminate what she meant. However, at least some of the participants there, including me, were hoping that the facilitator did not “pick on” them as they did not wish to be ridiculed or their comments twisted round. Not a good outcome!

So, what is the difference between challenging interventions that enable the person or people to develop and interventions that invite over-adaptation and are persecutory? To me the answer is that challenge is not a “theme” or an “approach” but a designed intervention geared to the person we are interacting with.

Berne wrote about:
•Interrogation e.g. “Did you actually steal the money?”;
•Specification e.g. “So, what you are saying is…………..”;
•Confrontation e.g. highlighting a discrepancy between what is being said “ Just before you said …. Now you are saying………. What is your thinking about this?”;
•Explanation e.g.”It seems that when you move out of being here and now you stop thinking”;
•Illustration e.g. an anecdote or simile that follows a successful confrontation for the purpose of reinforcing the confrontation and softening it.
•Confirmation e.g. “I understand you to be saying……., is that right?”;
•Interpretation e.g. “I understand the sense of what you are saying as….”;
•Crystalization e.g.”So you are now in a position to stop playing that game if you choose to”. (Berne E, 1966, p233-25)

I would also add Challenge to that list and to challenge with humour - but at the right time for the client and still remain OK/OK with them.

As you can see from the synopsis, each of the interventions has their own rationale and aim. This means that we need to design the intervention for the person, the issue and the context, as well as ensure that it is related to the contract. It is also imperative that we remain OK/OK in any transaction because, if not, we invite over-compliance or rebellion. If those we train, coach, or relate with, disagree with our interventions it is also important to be aware and sufficiently humble to recognise that the issue might be with us and/or the approach, rather than with the other person.

Whilst this may all sound difficult or contrived it is important to be professional, know we have options and use these options mindfully for the good of the other person.

This does not mean that we stop provocative interventions but that we carefully consider their use and, if they don’t work, not blame the other person e.g. “It’s that you’re too up-tight” or “You’re not ready for this”, implying that we are so evolved and the other is not.

If we keep all our transactions OK/OK and be with the other person in the now, rather than using one approach that may not fit everyone, all is likely to be well.

Leave us your comments below.

Our next Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis is on 14-16 June, 2011. We also have a one-day workshop by a French guest trainer entitled Rapid Diagnosis of Organizations on 14 July. The next academic year’s list of workshops is now up-loaded to our website. For all this information and more go to: www.mountain-associates.co.uk and either click on the Organizational TA Box or go to the drop-down tabs along the top and click on TA Courses.
Our up-coming book “Working Together: Organizational TA and Business Performance will be out in July 2011, so keep an eye on our website for further information or register on the site and we’ll keep you informed.

Ethics in Business

I was just asked to write a response to an article about ethics in business and then on the ITOL LinkedIn discussion group the issue of ethics came up again.

To consider ethics and ethical behaviour we also need to consider integrity and good practice. Good practice is based on beliefs, values and opinions, from which ethical behaviour stems. When we consider ethics within business we need to consider the organization’s culture as this will set the standards for decision making. In this context the written and unwritten codes will influence the organizations decisions and actions.

Beliefs are often unconscious patterned thinking processes and may, therefore, be hard to identify. Our beliefs will affect how we behave, and are part of our identity, therefore changing either our beliefs, or how we view ourselves, will affect our actions. This will include who we work with and how we work with them and whether our behaviour is ethical or unethical.

Most commonly ethics are considered in terms of dilemmas. For example, let’s take a real situation where the director of a charity that rescued children in war torn areas was approached by an arms dealer who offered to rescue some stranded children that no one else had been able to reach. However, the dealer would not rescue the adults who were with them. The charity's director had to make a very quick decision with no time to consult. In order to make this decision he looked at the organization’s core aims, its mission and purpose and decided that he would cooperate with the arms dealers as it was either the children or no one at that particular point. He subsequently wrote to the charity’s stakeholders and explained his dilemma and offered to resign should a substantial number of them disagree with his decision. They did in fact support him. (Leigh, 2009).

When someone has to make an ethical decision we have to consider the nature of the organization. To do this I have integrated Ernst’s OK Corral (1971) with Wickens (1995) with Krausz (1993). In summary we need to explore whether the organization is:

• I'm OK, You're Not OK, Anarchic, (Wickens), autocratic, paternalistic management style, competitive stressed organizational climate with unilateral problem solving, (Krausz). In this type of organization the workforce are less likely to take responsibility for their actions and there is less willingness to report ethical issues.

• I'm Not OK, You're OK, Alienated (Wickens), ambiguous management style, anxious, insecure climate, with reactive problem solving (Krausz). In this type of organization the workforce already feel alienated and any ethical boundary crossing only serves to further this alienation.

• I'm Not OK, You're Not OK, Apathetic, (Wickens) Laissez-faire, alienated management style, the organizational climate is apathetic and passive, with no problem solving (Krausz). People are unwilling to address ethical issues and, if others cross the ethical line this only serves to reinforce the apathy.

• I'm OK and You're OK, Ascendant (Wickens), democratic, participative management style (Krausz), the organizational climate is motivated, respectful and creative. Ethical problem solving processes are the norm.

Whilst there are individual 360° programmes within organizations there is also a need for an organization to give itself a 360° feedback process, taking comments from the workforce on a regular basis. In this way there are more likely to be opportunities for change in the culture so that people feel valued and supported, with clear boundaries and contracting processes in place. This is then more likely to lead to ethically congruent behaviour.

What do you think? Are ethics important in organizations? How do we compromise our own ethics when we work for organizations that are not a "fit" for us? Are we more or less likely to be stressed when we ignore or deny the mismatch between our own and the organizational ethics? Are ethics a luxury in today's world?

References: Leigh A. (2009), How Good is Your Integrity Compass? http://www.hrzone.co.uk/blogs/andrewl/straight-talking-andrew-leigh-maynard-leigh-associates/how-good-your-integrity-compass, accessed 2.3.2011
Krausz R. (1980), TA and Management Effectiveness, Transactional Analysis Journal, 10:1, 21-24
Wickens P. (1995), The Ascendant Organisation, Macmillan Business



To learn more about Organizational Transactional Analysis come on our Official Introduction to TA course on 14-16 June, or buy our upcoming book: Working Together: Organizational Transactional Analysis and Business Performance, to be published by Gower in July, 2011. Contact us for an informal chat about your own or your organization's coaching or training needs. +44 (0) 1455 824475, www.mountain-associates.co.uk

We All Have The Ability To Think

Organizations are susceptible to ‘groupthink’ which will influence the consideration of values. Groupthink was a term coined by Janis (1972) when he identified that in some groups people do not consider alternatives, thereby placing limits on decision making. In such groups, he argued, there is pressure for everyone to agree with each other. This might mean that individuals are conflict–avoiding rather than conflict–resolving (Scott Peck, 1987). When people are conflict–avoiding it means that the preservation of superficial harmony is given precedence over critical evaluation of ideas and values. This in turn might mean that an option is given the go–ahead even though the outcome might be the exploitation of others (for instance the use of
child labour to produce garments for the clothing industry).

The value base of an organization runs through all aspects, from the product or service being offered to marketing, accounting and management style. These in turn affect the loyalty, honesty and integrity of the employees. For example, an employee may be dismissed or have legal action taken against them for stealing. The other employees will take note of this and recognize that boundaries have been created and reinforced. These actions need to be congruent throughout the organization so that when a Director has been dishonest and it is sufficiently serious, they do not get a ‘golden handshake’, but instead are similarly dismissed. This will engender a sense of fairness amongst the workforce and loyalty and commitment will be maintained.

Do you have examples where there was a beneficial outcome when an individual used their power to make a difference and went against group think? Do you have a positive experience to share when a group or team moved from being conflict- avoiding to conflict-resolving, with a positive outcome for all? Write a comment and share your experiences.

If you are interested in learning more about building effective relationships then come to our next Advanced Communication Skills, level 1, (Incorporating the Official Introducation to TA), on 8-10 March 2011. Or, for further information contact: Mountain Associates, www.mountain-associates.co.uk

Sunrise, Sunset

The sun has well and truly set on 2010 and we are now into 2011 with its threats and promises regarding restructuring of many of our structures and systems here in the UK. Many people are being “encouraged” to look for work, whilst thousands are being laid off. However, amongst all these real difficulties and a likely increase in the “working poor” there are also many stories of people who have gone to the assistance of others and a sense of connectedness has developed. This is one of the consequences of a difficult time that has had a positive spin off for a sense of community. This is not to minimise the difficulties being experienced by people but to look for the nugget to come out of the awfulness of it all. Therefore, one of the things that has happened during the financial recession is that many people appear to have been pulling together, hopefully leading to fewer people being ready to judge others. For example, last year many dug others out of snow, checked whether the elderly or frail needed assistance and generally kept an eye open for others needs instead of just our own, we began to show our care and/or accepted being cared about. If there is anything to learn from the various difficulties of 2010 it is that we are not just a collection of individuals we are a society, and need each others support.

Therefore, as the sun has risen on 2011:

• What will you do to move on from your situation, to support others or even say “goodbye” in healthy ways?
• How will you ensure that in 2011 you take care of yourself before, even if as well as, others? Without this you will not have the energy and willingness to be there for others.
• What will you do to reach out to others and ask for support if and when you need it?

We wish you a year of community, connection and belonging.



Do you have difficulties with relationships at work? Do you find your workforce saying inappropriate things to others? Is there low morale and motivation in the workplace? If so, contact Mountain Associates and see if what we have to offer is a good match for your needs. www.mountain-associates.co.uk - Enabling you to find solutions.

If you would like further information about our upcoming book, Working Together, to be published by Gower in June/July, 2011, then register on our site so that we can let you know the date of publication

Constructs and communication

Yesterday I was at an Association For Coaching regional meeting. These are great opportunities for continuous professional development as the quality of input and the relationship with others is excellent.

During discussions in my small group, we - yet again - debated the boundary between therapy and coaching. This came about because we were trialing a questionnaire by Roger Clare which outlined a range of dilemmas and we had to choose between three answers. Someone else in my group answered differently to me on a number of questions, including this one and yet, when we discussed our views, they were similar.

As a psychotherapist my understanding of psychotherapy is more than likely to be different to someone who is not a psychotherapist and, had we not discussed our frames of reference we could have believed we disagreed, when in fact we agreed.

For me this outlined how easy it is to believe that we hold differing views from someone but, when we take the time to listen we may find we believe the same thing. What makes the difference is our construct of the words in question and our frame of reference.

Whilst this discussion was about therapy and coaching we could have been talking about anything. Therefore we need to remember to go back to basics even if it seems we might be being pedantic. By checking we all have the same understanding of a word or phrase we can save so much time and emotion and really meet people, rather than assume what they mean and focus on our differences.

Have there been times when you have been discussing your different views with someone, and maybe even getting into conflict about it, only to find that you think the same way? Feel free to send in your examples for others to learn from.

Have a good week.


Mountain Associates website will soon be changing. We will have separate areas for our in-house training, our Developmental/Organizational Institute and our Coaching 4C. Keep an eye on the website for the new developments which we hope will make your access clearer and easier.