As we start a new year, here at Mountain Associates, we have been reflecting on the impact of social media on our wider society. The positive ethos of social media is the concept of giving and receiving. Through these instant internet systems we are now able to give and receive recommendations from others that (hopefully) assist our business profiles. Basically, if you give out positive recognition (strokes in TA), to others you are more likely to get something good back. This, in a nutshell, is also what life in general is about. When we are prepared to recommend others and not hold on tight to our links and connections, this positive energy is more likely to come back to us.
In short this is also about freedom and responsibility. We are free to keep our own links to ourselves or we have the freedom to share these. We also need to take responsibility for giving and what we give, without expecting to receive. In order to consider freedom and responsibility we need to be able to take the role of the “other” and establish empathy and appreciation of the other’s perspective.
It is not only individuals who need to consider the issues of freedom and responsibility but so too do organizations. These will be translated differently within each organization dependent upon the organizational script (a life plan made outside of awareness that involves discounting).
Whilst organizations do not have ego states they do have elements that correspond to them and these are communicated through the primal leader/s or euhemerus. When working in organizations, whether in a coaching or consulting capacity, or as an employee at any level, we need to reflect on how issues of freedom and responsibility are exercised – or have they been exorcised?!
When considering change we need to take a look at both the interpersonal and social systems of the organization.
"…… if all the individuals within the institution were suddenly to change their life scripts, the institution would continue to function as usual until its operational procedures were also changed. Similarly, the institution’s procedures could be changed with little effect on the individuals’ life scripts. Thus effective change must involve both the individuals changing their life scripts and the institution or social system changing its operational procedures on the social and psychological level”. (Joines in Barnes, 1977, pp 270-271)
To bring us back to the theme of freedom and responsibility and social media it appears to us that we have an opportunity here to develop a new culture and put a new show on the road. This “new show” has the potential to radically change how we are with each other across cultures. We are co-creating or co-constructing a way of being that is about giving and sharing and in ways that we have never seen before. Let’s harness this freedom and ensure we take our responsibility in how we do this – whether this is at the individual or organizational level.
We would love to hear from you about how you believe social media is influencing our society for the better. Also, what do you think about the idea of freedom and responsibility in organisations?
References:
Joines V.S. (1977), An integrated systems perspective. In G. Barnes (Ed), Transactional Analysis after Eric Berne: Teachings and practices of three TA schools (pp257-272,) New York: Harper College Press
(N.B. This publication uses some outdated models of TA so if you do follow-up the reference please bear this in mind).
If you would like further information about The Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis; our Foundation Course in TA; Developmental/Organizational Transactional Analysis then visit our website for details of courses and articles: www.mountain-associates.co.uk.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Facilitation and Decision-making
Just prior to Christmas we went on the second of our twice yearly trips to train people in Russia. Working in Russia has always been an interesting and challenging process. We thoroughly enjoy the Russian hospitality and their curiosity and interest in whatever they are learning. This time we were teaching group work to about twenty-five strong-minded people, most of whom knew us from our previous workshops.
On the second day one participant moved a chair and a huge bang and flash occurred as an electrical wire had just been lodged into a hole in the wall of the training room and became dislodged by the chair. All the electrics went off in the room, including the heating. As it was -10 degrees Celcius outside this would eventually cause difficulties!
There were some interesting suggestions including buying candles and continuing to work in the room. The organiser went to locate the caretaker and chaos was looming large on the horizon as everyone thought they had a better idea. We decided to take the lead and went by our own health and safety standards i.e. do not work in a room where there is a possibility of a live cable, where the temperature would soon plummet and where there was no light!
Of course it is not always adviseable for facilitators to take the decision away from people. However, when agititation is increasing we need to be prepared to do just that. We therefore decided to take up the offer to move to another room on another floor. Had we been in a room that was within a commissioning organization the process would have been different. However, the organisers had rented this room and therefore we were in a position to continue with our role as facilitators and challenge the frame of reference about remaining there and obtaining candles.
How many times do people remain passive when decisions have to be made? All too often the loudest get their way, even if it is not necessarily based on sound rational judgement. How do we know that our decision is the right one? Well, of course this is often a difficult one to gauge. However, we can look at the evidence – in this situation:
• Is the room safe?
• Would it still be safe if someone outside the room “helpfully” turned the electricity back on again?
• Would it be safe to light the room with candles with 25 people in it?
• Would that make for a positive learning environment?
• How could this situation influence the learning outcomes of a course on group work if the facilitators, not the organisers, took charge of the decision-making?
• What are the processes and dynamics that are currently going on between group members and is this likely to escalate?
• Or whatever the “evidence” would be for your situation
Looking at this “evidence” often requires speed and clear thinking. Our thinking is enhanced when we remain in the Accounting mode and consider our role and responsibility, and then take the appropriate action.
(for further information on this concept go to: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html
Taking the leadership slot in Russia is even more important. Our experience has shown us that without a very structuring style of leadership the group process often regresses to one that is agitated and chaotic. We all need to recognise how important it is to know and understand the culture in which we are working. This particular incident happened in Russia and if it had happened here in the UK it is highly likely that the group would have responded very differently. We therefore need to keep in mind where we are, whether that be in a particular organization or a different culture. What are the norms and how should we respond whilst acknowledging and accounting others?
The blog next month will look at freedom and responsibility and we can also look at this situation from that perspective. The organisers could have taken their power and made the decision about what to do and we could have withdrawn from the decision-making process. Whilst we would have been free to do this we would also have role-modelled how to be passive and the already fraught atmosphere would more-than-likely have degenerated. During the next month how about letting us have your ideas passivity and the decision-making process.
Mountain Associates offer in-house and open workshops as well as coaching and consultancy. Our next Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis is on 9 -11 March; Getting to Grips with Groups is on 27-29 April and we will also be hosting a trainer from France who will be here in July facilitating a workshop on Organizational TA. See our website for information on supervision of coaches and our supervision course. Do get in touch if you would like further information.
On the second day one participant moved a chair and a huge bang and flash occurred as an electrical wire had just been lodged into a hole in the wall of the training room and became dislodged by the chair. All the electrics went off in the room, including the heating. As it was -10 degrees Celcius outside this would eventually cause difficulties!
There were some interesting suggestions including buying candles and continuing to work in the room. The organiser went to locate the caretaker and chaos was looming large on the horizon as everyone thought they had a better idea. We decided to take the lead and went by our own health and safety standards i.e. do not work in a room where there is a possibility of a live cable, where the temperature would soon plummet and where there was no light!
Of course it is not always adviseable for facilitators to take the decision away from people. However, when agititation is increasing we need to be prepared to do just that. We therefore decided to take up the offer to move to another room on another floor. Had we been in a room that was within a commissioning organization the process would have been different. However, the organisers had rented this room and therefore we were in a position to continue with our role as facilitators and challenge the frame of reference about remaining there and obtaining candles.
How many times do people remain passive when decisions have to be made? All too often the loudest get their way, even if it is not necessarily based on sound rational judgement. How do we know that our decision is the right one? Well, of course this is often a difficult one to gauge. However, we can look at the evidence – in this situation:
• Is the room safe?
• Would it still be safe if someone outside the room “helpfully” turned the electricity back on again?
• Would it be safe to light the room with candles with 25 people in it?
• Would that make for a positive learning environment?
• How could this situation influence the learning outcomes of a course on group work if the facilitators, not the organisers, took charge of the decision-making?
• What are the processes and dynamics that are currently going on between group members and is this likely to escalate?
• Or whatever the “evidence” would be for your situation
Looking at this “evidence” often requires speed and clear thinking. Our thinking is enhanced when we remain in the Accounting mode and consider our role and responsibility, and then take the appropriate action.
(for further information on this concept go to: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html
Taking the leadership slot in Russia is even more important. Our experience has shown us that without a very structuring style of leadership the group process often regresses to one that is agitated and chaotic. We all need to recognise how important it is to know and understand the culture in which we are working. This particular incident happened in Russia and if it had happened here in the UK it is highly likely that the group would have responded very differently. We therefore need to keep in mind where we are, whether that be in a particular organization or a different culture. What are the norms and how should we respond whilst acknowledging and accounting others?
The blog next month will look at freedom and responsibility and we can also look at this situation from that perspective. The organisers could have taken their power and made the decision about what to do and we could have withdrawn from the decision-making process. Whilst we would have been free to do this we would also have role-modelled how to be passive and the already fraught atmosphere would more-than-likely have degenerated. During the next month how about letting us have your ideas passivity and the decision-making process.
Mountain Associates offer in-house and open workshops as well as coaching and consultancy. Our next Official Introduction to Transactional Analysis is on 9 -11 March; Getting to Grips with Groups is on 27-29 April and we will also be hosting a trainer from France who will be here in July facilitating a workshop on Organizational TA. See our website for information on supervision of coaches and our supervision course. Do get in touch if you would like further information.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Armenia
We recently visited Armenia where we undertook voluntary training programmes as well as supervision. We had a pretty full programme this time and this included enjoying ourselves in our time off. What we were struck by is the generosity that pervades the culture, despite the economic hardship of many of the people. It is interesting that, very often when people have less economically, they seem to have more in generosity. On one occasion a village woman took an hour to take us to a local site that our hosts were looking for. She and her grandson walked and talked with our hosts whilst we went into the valley to find the place. She was full of grace and generosity despite her apparent lack of financial wealth. We then returned to Yerevan with its aggressive drivers and pollution but holding the calm and ease of our trip and being aware of the need for balance.
I will use another experience from Armenia to explain our behavioural modes model as I was talking with a participant on our Organisational Training Programme about this model and how the Accounting Mode works (For a description of the model see the following page on our web site:
http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html )
The participant queried whether the Accounting mode is “empty” or whether it always has some aspect of the others within it i.e. Structuring, Nurturing, Playful and Co-operative. So by way of explanation let’s take a situation where there is a heated argument ensuing between colleagues. We might be observing this and considering whether we should intervene. We give consideration to our own role and relationship vis a vis those involved as well as our motivation and any likely outcomes of different interventions. Having done this we then take action, whether that be to walk away and leave them to it or to intervene. At the action stage we are likely to use the resources of our Structuring, Nurturing, Co-operative or Playful aspects of our Accounting Mode. (Hopefully we do not move into one of the “red zones” and intervene from there which will only “fuel the fire”). Naturally, some situations may take a little while to think through whilst others will take a few seconds. This is a natural process which most of us do outside of our awareness as we have integrated the way of doing this.
My partner and I wish to acknowledge and thank those who trained with us in Armenia and who were willing to share themselves and their lives with us for those few weeks.
Whether or not you celebrate Christmas, we wish you all a very relaxing festive season and hope that the generosity of spirit that we received from the woman in the Armenian village comes your way, and goes from you to others.
If you don’t know this model, then do take a look at our web site on the following page and you will see the concept under discussion:
http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html
Contact us for professional and personal development through coaching, training and consultancy.
I will use another experience from Armenia to explain our behavioural modes model as I was talking with a participant on our Organisational Training Programme about this model and how the Accounting Mode works (For a description of the model see the following page on our web site:
http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html )
The participant queried whether the Accounting mode is “empty” or whether it always has some aspect of the others within it i.e. Structuring, Nurturing, Playful and Co-operative. So by way of explanation let’s take a situation where there is a heated argument ensuing between colleagues. We might be observing this and considering whether we should intervene. We give consideration to our own role and relationship vis a vis those involved as well as our motivation and any likely outcomes of different interventions. Having done this we then take action, whether that be to walk away and leave them to it or to intervene. At the action stage we are likely to use the resources of our Structuring, Nurturing, Co-operative or Playful aspects of our Accounting Mode. (Hopefully we do not move into one of the “red zones” and intervene from there which will only “fuel the fire”). Naturally, some situations may take a little while to think through whilst others will take a few seconds. This is a natural process which most of us do outside of our awareness as we have integrated the way of doing this.
My partner and I wish to acknowledge and thank those who trained with us in Armenia and who were willing to share themselves and their lives with us for those few weeks.
Whether or not you celebrate Christmas, we wish you all a very relaxing festive season and hope that the generosity of spirit that we received from the woman in the Armenian village comes your way, and goes from you to others.
If you don’t know this model, then do take a look at our web site on the following page and you will see the concept under discussion:
http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/behavmode1.html
Contact us for professional and personal development through coaching, training and consultancy.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Protection and Potency
Whether we work as a coach, consultant or as a team member there are sometimes challenges within the relationships we have. How do we respond when it appears that someone has “lost it”, or is so aggressive that it appears that they could move to violence? These are times when additional support is important because keeping this fear to ourselves is very demanding and unsafe.
The occasions when such situations occur are rare, but when they do happen it is helpful to know what to do.
Firstly, I work contractually and when, appropriate, make a confidentiality contract when I also let the person, or people, know when I will break that confidentiality. I would do this if the client does not agree to keep themselves or another person safe. Usually I would not know about any potential dangers until we have established a relationship and the client trusts me with this information. Before rushing off to break the contract of confidentiality we would need to explore their thoughts and feelings about the situation.
After voicing their thoughts about harm to self and/or others, and exploring the issues they are often willing to agree with themselves, with you acting as a witness, that they will not harm themselves or anyone else, accidentally or on purpose. When asking someone to do this they need to agree this whilst having eye contact with us and saying the words, not just agreeing with us in an over-adaptive way. This agreement could be a short term agreement perhaps until they see us next time (giving a specific date is unhelpful as you, or they, may be ill and not be able to attend). The eventual aim is for the client to agree to permanently take responsibility and keep themselves and others safe.
In this situation the coach, manager, or colleague is being potent and protective to the client/colleague and to anyone else who might be in danger, or impacted by the client’s actions. This also offers our client an option that is about taking responsibility rather than moving away from responsibility. Even a time-limited agreement offers the client social control and instead of using their energy on the damaging ideation they can instead use it for health and to consider other options.
It may also be appropriate and important for the client to make an appointment to see a psychotherapist within an agreed time frame. Coaches and managers do not have a contract for psychotherapy and, even though I am also a psychotherapist I will refer on when I believe the client would benefit from this type of intervention as I do not have a contract for therapy when I am coaching. This does not mean that coaching is not therapeutic but that contract is different.
Perhaps some of you are saying that the situation where people want to harm themselves or others would never happen in the workplace. However, it does happen. People can go “crazy” at work as well as at home; they can threaten or be violent at work as well as at home and occasionally are. If we come across distressed people, or if we are distressed and want a way out that is not about taking responsibility, then we need to do something about it. Suffering may seem inevitable for some rather than optional but, generally, it is optional and once we develop other resources we don’t need to resort to violence or self-harm.
Here’s to happy, potent, responsible days for us all!
If you would like any more information about coaching or supervision of coaches then get in touch with us at: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk
The occasions when such situations occur are rare, but when they do happen it is helpful to know what to do.
Firstly, I work contractually and when, appropriate, make a confidentiality contract when I also let the person, or people, know when I will break that confidentiality. I would do this if the client does not agree to keep themselves or another person safe. Usually I would not know about any potential dangers until we have established a relationship and the client trusts me with this information. Before rushing off to break the contract of confidentiality we would need to explore their thoughts and feelings about the situation.
After voicing their thoughts about harm to self and/or others, and exploring the issues they are often willing to agree with themselves, with you acting as a witness, that they will not harm themselves or anyone else, accidentally or on purpose. When asking someone to do this they need to agree this whilst having eye contact with us and saying the words, not just agreeing with us in an over-adaptive way. This agreement could be a short term agreement perhaps until they see us next time (giving a specific date is unhelpful as you, or they, may be ill and not be able to attend). The eventual aim is for the client to agree to permanently take responsibility and keep themselves and others safe.
In this situation the coach, manager, or colleague is being potent and protective to the client/colleague and to anyone else who might be in danger, or impacted by the client’s actions. This also offers our client an option that is about taking responsibility rather than moving away from responsibility. Even a time-limited agreement offers the client social control and instead of using their energy on the damaging ideation they can instead use it for health and to consider other options.
It may also be appropriate and important for the client to make an appointment to see a psychotherapist within an agreed time frame. Coaches and managers do not have a contract for psychotherapy and, even though I am also a psychotherapist I will refer on when I believe the client would benefit from this type of intervention as I do not have a contract for therapy when I am coaching. This does not mean that coaching is not therapeutic but that contract is different.
Perhaps some of you are saying that the situation where people want to harm themselves or others would never happen in the workplace. However, it does happen. People can go “crazy” at work as well as at home; they can threaten or be violent at work as well as at home and occasionally are. If we come across distressed people, or if we are distressed and want a way out that is not about taking responsibility, then we need to do something about it. Suffering may seem inevitable for some rather than optional but, generally, it is optional and once we develop other resources we don’t need to resort to violence or self-harm.
Here’s to happy, potent, responsible days for us all!
If you would like any more information about coaching or supervision of coaches then get in touch with us at: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk
Monday, 21 September 2009
Dealing With The Process
We all feel stuck at some time or other and yet want to get on with the task in hand. We persist in the same behaviours in an attempt to get the other person or people to undertake the action they have promised, or find ways to meet the other person and develop an understanding between us, all of this in pursuance of the task. However, we get nowhere. When this happens one option is to deal with the process rather than the task. In other words we need to address what is going on between us rather than just repeating ourselves.
Let’s take the example of a promise. Jack promises Andrea that he will return the camera he borrowed from her. They had previously agreed that he could borrow it for his sister’s wedding but would return it on 20 August, two weeks after borrowing it. As the time approaches Andrea calls Jack to arrange to go for a coffee when Jack can return the camera. Jack agrees to the arrangement, but on the day phones and says that he can’t make it but will return the camera in the week. The week passes and Jack does not turn up and so Andrea does not have the return of her camera. Again Andrea calls Jack, again more promises and more breaks of those promises.
Eventually, Andrea calls Jack and expresses how she is feeling about the situation. She believes that she is now in a game (see www.mountain-associates.co.uk/games.html) with Jack and decides to deal with the process of what has been going on between them, rather than to persist with familiar pattern of behaviour with a predictable outcome – in this instance, Jack not returning the camera. Andrea informs Jack that she is now wary of trusting Jack and this situation is damaging their friendship. She has really valued him as a friend and would like him to return the camera now and discuss with her what has been going on. If he has lost it she would prefer him to say so and to buy her another one, than to continue in this way. That way she feels she is more likely to be able to maintain a relationship with him.
For his part, Jack experiences being confronted with his process by Andrea and whilst uncomfortable is able to see what she is saying to him. He informs Andrea that the shutter on the camera broke whilst he was using it. He felt bad about it, even though he did nothing to damage it, and has put it in for repair. They have a “heart to heart” conversation about this and Andrea feels closer to Jack and he brings round the camera two weeks later.
Okay, so not all situations turn out this well but even so dealing with the process will be of assistance. Therefore, the next time you experience going round and round, taking the same old actions I suggest dealing with the process instead. Of course this will all need to be undertaken in Accounting mode.
(http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/ego_states4.html )
So, the motto needs to be “When the process gets in the way of the task, deal with the process”.
Mountain Associates are highly trained and skilled Transactional Analysts. If you want professional assistance with coaching, supervision of coaching, in-house training we have many years of training in Transactional Analysis which is a social psychology.
Let’s take the example of a promise. Jack promises Andrea that he will return the camera he borrowed from her. They had previously agreed that he could borrow it for his sister’s wedding but would return it on 20 August, two weeks after borrowing it. As the time approaches Andrea calls Jack to arrange to go for a coffee when Jack can return the camera. Jack agrees to the arrangement, but on the day phones and says that he can’t make it but will return the camera in the week. The week passes and Jack does not turn up and so Andrea does not have the return of her camera. Again Andrea calls Jack, again more promises and more breaks of those promises.
Eventually, Andrea calls Jack and expresses how she is feeling about the situation. She believes that she is now in a game (see www.mountain-associates.co.uk/games.html) with Jack and decides to deal with the process of what has been going on between them, rather than to persist with familiar pattern of behaviour with a predictable outcome – in this instance, Jack not returning the camera. Andrea informs Jack that she is now wary of trusting Jack and this situation is damaging their friendship. She has really valued him as a friend and would like him to return the camera now and discuss with her what has been going on. If he has lost it she would prefer him to say so and to buy her another one, than to continue in this way. That way she feels she is more likely to be able to maintain a relationship with him.
For his part, Jack experiences being confronted with his process by Andrea and whilst uncomfortable is able to see what she is saying to him. He informs Andrea that the shutter on the camera broke whilst he was using it. He felt bad about it, even though he did nothing to damage it, and has put it in for repair. They have a “heart to heart” conversation about this and Andrea feels closer to Jack and he brings round the camera two weeks later.
Okay, so not all situations turn out this well but even so dealing with the process will be of assistance. Therefore, the next time you experience going round and round, taking the same old actions I suggest dealing with the process instead. Of course this will all need to be undertaken in Accounting mode.
(http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk/ego_states4.html )
So, the motto needs to be “When the process gets in the way of the task, deal with the process”.
Mountain Associates are highly trained and skilled Transactional Analysts. If you want professional assistance with coaching, supervision of coaching, in-house training we have many years of training in Transactional Analysis which is a social psychology.
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Changing Limiting Beliefs
When times are difficult and we are concerned about how to get by we may have a tendency to think negatively. We might continually think about the past in terms of “If only I had not done or done …………..”, or the future in terms of “What if………….” Such thoughts can keep us awake at night and eventually we might become snappy and irritable.
What we need to do instead is stay in the here-and-now and think positive, rather than negative, thoughts. When we notice that we are negatively focussing on a concern we have a range of options (some of which I have discussed in previous blogs and so won’t repeat). Whenever we become aware that we are “worrying” rather than doing something about a difficulty we need to replace the worrying thoughts with the opposite positive thought. Alternatively, we can replace the negative thoughts with any positive thought.
Once we have chosen which option we will take then it is possible to repeat this thought over and over. For example, we are concerned that we cannot get through all the work we have to do and feel overwhelmed, at night in particular, we might be anxious and go over and over what we have to do but with no resolution. Instead we could say to ourselves “I am having an easy day and I know how to do a good job and think through how to manage my workload”. The action statement is important in this, as is saying the phrase in the present tense.
What we’re doing in this process is to re-direct our subconscious onto a different path. When we do this we can release energy from the fight/flight/freeze response so that we can think. In this way our subconscious and higher self can be creative and come up with solutions – including perhaps telling the boss we’re on overload and would value a management discussion on how to deal with the workload; delegating some work to someone else; make the case for an assistant; and finding another job within a more supportive organizational culture. The creation of all these options and probably many more can emerge once we are in the here-and-now i.e. in Accounting Mode in Transactional Analysis terms.
We often limit ourselves by obsessive and negative thoughts which drain our energy. These are usually underpinned by some negative beliefs about self, others and the world, and by addressing the negative belief and updating ourselves we can remain in the present moment. For example, if we are in debt and are worried about how to manage, it may be that underneath we have a belief that “people like us” are not successful, or that “I don’t deserve to be successful” or “I’m too thick to make money and be happy”. All of these thoughts will drain our energy and prevent us from being creative and thinking about positive ways to get out of debt.
Even if we believe we don’t have answers about to how to move forward, when we make the space, options will emerge. Trust the process. Besides which, when we worry we won’t find the answer because we are too exhausted.
So, Lift Your Limits ©, with the daily practice of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, sifting out those old, outdated beliefs about attaining goals etc., and giving yourself the space so that your subconscious and conscious mind can be creative about solutions.
N.B. Lifting Your Limits is the title of a development programme facilitated by Mountain Associates. For further information contact us ta@mountain-associates.co.uk or +44 (O)1455 824475
Please let us know your thoughts about the blogs. We value your ideas and responses. Click on the link below to send us your response.
What we need to do instead is stay in the here-and-now and think positive, rather than negative, thoughts. When we notice that we are negatively focussing on a concern we have a range of options (some of which I have discussed in previous blogs and so won’t repeat). Whenever we become aware that we are “worrying” rather than doing something about a difficulty we need to replace the worrying thoughts with the opposite positive thought. Alternatively, we can replace the negative thoughts with any positive thought.
Once we have chosen which option we will take then it is possible to repeat this thought over and over. For example, we are concerned that we cannot get through all the work we have to do and feel overwhelmed, at night in particular, we might be anxious and go over and over what we have to do but with no resolution. Instead we could say to ourselves “I am having an easy day and I know how to do a good job and think through how to manage my workload”. The action statement is important in this, as is saying the phrase in the present tense.
What we’re doing in this process is to re-direct our subconscious onto a different path. When we do this we can release energy from the fight/flight/freeze response so that we can think. In this way our subconscious and higher self can be creative and come up with solutions – including perhaps telling the boss we’re on overload and would value a management discussion on how to deal with the workload; delegating some work to someone else; make the case for an assistant; and finding another job within a more supportive organizational culture. The creation of all these options and probably many more can emerge once we are in the here-and-now i.e. in Accounting Mode in Transactional Analysis terms.
We often limit ourselves by obsessive and negative thoughts which drain our energy. These are usually underpinned by some negative beliefs about self, others and the world, and by addressing the negative belief and updating ourselves we can remain in the present moment. For example, if we are in debt and are worried about how to manage, it may be that underneath we have a belief that “people like us” are not successful, or that “I don’t deserve to be successful” or “I’m too thick to make money and be happy”. All of these thoughts will drain our energy and prevent us from being creative and thinking about positive ways to get out of debt.
Even if we believe we don’t have answers about to how to move forward, when we make the space, options will emerge. Trust the process. Besides which, when we worry we won’t find the answer because we are too exhausted.
So, Lift Your Limits ©, with the daily practice of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, sifting out those old, outdated beliefs about attaining goals etc., and giving yourself the space so that your subconscious and conscious mind can be creative about solutions.
N.B. Lifting Your Limits is the title of a development programme facilitated by Mountain Associates. For further information contact us ta@mountain-associates.co.uk or +44 (O)1455 824475
Please let us know your thoughts about the blogs. We value your ideas and responses. Click on the link below to send us your response.
Wednesday, 22 July 2009
Who’s Really There?
Communication difficulties often start because we see who we think is there but don’t actually take the time to find out who we are really relating with (or not!).
Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, said that “In order to say Hello, you first get rid of all the trash which has accumulated in your head ever since you came home from the maternity ward, and then you recognise that this particular Hello will never happen again” (What Do You Say After You Say Hello, 1984). The “trash” consists of all the messages we have received, all the experiences we have had and how we have translated and made sense of them, in order to get by in the world as we see it.
In order to get by we have developed a frame of reference, a way of seeing the world that, in the long run, may or may not be helpful. In so doing we can believe that all people who are like this, or like that, are the same or similar. These projections and assumptions are quick to make and mean that we can maintain our frame of reference. This means that we don’t have to find out who, and how, people really are.
In the work place management and leadership have to make many decisions and, if we need to make a joint decision, many of us try to convert other people to our way of thinking. Conflict ensues and there is a tendency to polarise. We have very little understanding about why someone may think they way they do and we may write them off by saying “They would say that” etc. How different it would be if we put down our assumptions and prejudices and found out how the other person or people got to that decision, rather than trying to convert them to our way. After all is someone has been raised in Thailand, another in Poland, another from an Asian British culture it is to be expected that we will all have a different perspective and a way of doing something. We need to find out about each other first so that we can understand different perspectives and find the merits of these before promoting just our own view. This way we can move to a co-creative process taking the benefits of each and probably come out with a better solution.
When we don’t know someone, or don’t understand them, it is easy to write them off. How do we feel when we are dismissed and “written off”? I know I don’t like it and therefore aim not to do this to others. After all, maintaining all the “trash” we have accumulated since the maternity ward is actually a loss to us all, the organisation included and is a much bigger risk than dumping the “trash”. To do this I need to be aware of my own prejudices and assumptions about men, women, culture, ability, gender and be prepared to be known and to know others.
I have heard some say “We don’t have time to get to know and understand where others are coming from”. Well, actually, we don’t have time not to as so much time is wasted by conflict, or just plain resentment and passivity. As we do take the time to get to know with whom we are working and understand how come they got to that conclusion the process will become easier and the decision making quicker. In addition the outcomes are likely to be more creative and dynamic with an increase in respect for each other.
Mountain Associates facilitate open-workshops on a range of subject areas based on the application of Transactional Analysis. Do get in touch if you are interested in courses, coaching or supervision of coaches. We look forward to hearing from you.
Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, said that “In order to say Hello, you first get rid of all the trash which has accumulated in your head ever since you came home from the maternity ward, and then you recognise that this particular Hello will never happen again” (What Do You Say After You Say Hello, 1984). The “trash” consists of all the messages we have received, all the experiences we have had and how we have translated and made sense of them, in order to get by in the world as we see it.
In order to get by we have developed a frame of reference, a way of seeing the world that, in the long run, may or may not be helpful. In so doing we can believe that all people who are like this, or like that, are the same or similar. These projections and assumptions are quick to make and mean that we can maintain our frame of reference. This means that we don’t have to find out who, and how, people really are.
In the work place management and leadership have to make many decisions and, if we need to make a joint decision, many of us try to convert other people to our way of thinking. Conflict ensues and there is a tendency to polarise. We have very little understanding about why someone may think they way they do and we may write them off by saying “They would say that” etc. How different it would be if we put down our assumptions and prejudices and found out how the other person or people got to that decision, rather than trying to convert them to our way. After all is someone has been raised in Thailand, another in Poland, another from an Asian British culture it is to be expected that we will all have a different perspective and a way of doing something. We need to find out about each other first so that we can understand different perspectives and find the merits of these before promoting just our own view. This way we can move to a co-creative process taking the benefits of each and probably come out with a better solution.
When we don’t know someone, or don’t understand them, it is easy to write them off. How do we feel when we are dismissed and “written off”? I know I don’t like it and therefore aim not to do this to others. After all, maintaining all the “trash” we have accumulated since the maternity ward is actually a loss to us all, the organisation included and is a much bigger risk than dumping the “trash”. To do this I need to be aware of my own prejudices and assumptions about men, women, culture, ability, gender and be prepared to be known and to know others.
I have heard some say “We don’t have time to get to know and understand where others are coming from”. Well, actually, we don’t have time not to as so much time is wasted by conflict, or just plain resentment and passivity. As we do take the time to get to know with whom we are working and understand how come they got to that conclusion the process will become easier and the decision making quicker. In addition the outcomes are likely to be more creative and dynamic with an increase in respect for each other.
Mountain Associates facilitate open-workshops on a range of subject areas based on the application of Transactional Analysis. Do get in touch if you are interested in courses, coaching or supervision of coaches. We look forward to hearing from you.
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