Feeling Full

One of the things we get from satisfying relationships with others is a feeling of being “full”. When we make contact with another person and take the time to share we can feel a sense of satisfaction at the honour of hearing another person and on being heard.

However, when under stress these opportunities can become restricted and 2009 is probably one of these times. Due to the financial situation the “full” sense we can get from connectedness can be reduced as all around us there are people suffering from homelessness, threat of redundancy and stress-related ill-health. Therefore at home as well as in the work-place, it is still important to consider how we find ways to feel positively “full”. Some get this from using alcohol, but, as we never get enough of what we don’t need, the short term gain from this will be insufficient to cover the emptiness.

Ironically when stressed, many of us cut off rather than connect, and in so doing are likely to become more and more isolated. Also at these times we can start to project negativity and despair onto others and so things begin to spiral down. Instead of withdrawing we need to find ways to make connection. In this way we can feel nourished and supported even in times of difficulty.

Leaders particularly need to find ways to “fill-up”, rather than run on empty. There are many ways to do this including making opportunities to really meet with people and find ways to understand them. Then, even if we should disagree with them we can do so amicably and through hearing them, rather than attempting to brow-beat them with our opinions. In this way relationships can be developed and maintained. Active listening is a term used in counselling and is appropriate to the development of good relationships wherever, and with whom ever, we are.

Further, when things are getting difficult it is important to check in with ourselves and ask how we are feeling about the situation and then what we need when we feel like this. For example, we may feel angry and need a sounding board, or scared and need to develop some options to allay our fears. Taking account of our feelings is a good way to ensure that we don’t bury our head in the sand and do nothing as eventually this usually makes things worse.

Therefore, when stressed we need to take account of the situation, decide what we are feeling about it and what we need at such times. This will often include such activities as talking with someone, getting some space and objectivity by taking time to go for a walk etc. and then taking the appropriate action to move toward addressing the issue.

Go well.

Mountain Associates are available for coaching and supervision of coaches. We also provide organisational consultancy and in-house training as well as open workshops. Call us now for an informal discussion about how we might be of assistance.