From a Transactional Analysis perspective this is not a
helpful suggestion. By asking what the
client is drinking makes it look like you don’t have your own thoughts (or even
taste buds!). This means that you could
be experienced as being willing to please them and if they do commission you they may, albeit subconsciously, be
doing so because you will adapt to them.
If I ask what someone would like to drink I expect them to
take responsibility for saying what they would like. If, in the example given, the client expects
you to adapt to them then I would suggest that you don’t work for them. This matching approach might be experienced by
some as good practice but for TA people it reinforces passive behaviour.
Matching in terms of the words we use and the pace in which
we talk is one thing, but matching in terms of likes and dislikes is certainly
another - for me that's going too far.
People buy from people and, at some point if you try to
over-adapt it can (a) reinforce your belief that you are not as important as
someone else and should not have your own thoughts or (b) you will not be able
to maintain this style and then the relationship will break down as it was
developed on a false premise or (c) it sends a signal to the client that you are
ready to be “pleasing” and put your own needs to one side.
The motto here is “Be Yourself”. Use your relationship and communications
skills, and learn techniques for improving these, but balance this with
listening to yourself as well.
Buy our book “Working Together, Organization Transactional
Analysis and Business Performance”, published by Gower. Go to our website for a free chapter and the
links to Gower and Amazon: www.mountain-associates.co.uk
If you are looking for a keynote speaker then give us a call
right now and let’s see if Anita
Mountain
