Protection and Potency

Whether we work as a coach, consultant or as a team member there are sometimes challenges within the relationships we have. How do we respond when it appears that someone has “lost it”, or is so aggressive that it appears that they could move to violence? These are times when additional support is important because keeping this fear to ourselves is very demanding and unsafe.

The occasions when such situations occur are rare, but when they do happen it is helpful to know what to do.

Firstly, I work contractually and when, appropriate, make a confidentiality contract when I also let the person, or people, know when I will break that confidentiality. I would do this if the client does not agree to keep themselves or another person safe. Usually I would not know about any potential dangers until we have established a relationship and the client trusts me with this information. Before rushing off to break the contract of confidentiality we would need to explore their thoughts and feelings about the situation.

After voicing their thoughts about harm to self and/or others, and exploring the issues they are often willing to agree with themselves, with you acting as a witness, that they will not harm themselves or anyone else, accidentally or on purpose. When asking someone to do this they need to agree this whilst having eye contact with us and saying the words, not just agreeing with us in an over-adaptive way. This agreement could be a short term agreement perhaps until they see us next time (giving a specific date is unhelpful as you, or they, may be ill and not be able to attend). The eventual aim is for the client to agree to permanently take responsibility and keep themselves and others safe.

In this situation the coach, manager, or colleague is being potent and protective to the client/colleague and to anyone else who might be in danger, or impacted by the client’s actions. This also offers our client an option that is about taking responsibility rather than moving away from responsibility. Even a time-limited agreement offers the client social control and instead of using their energy on the damaging ideation they can instead use it for health and to consider other options.

It may also be appropriate and important for the client to make an appointment to see a psychotherapist within an agreed time frame. Coaches and managers do not have a contract for psychotherapy and, even though I am also a psychotherapist I will refer on when I believe the client would benefit from this type of intervention as I do not have a contract for therapy when I am coaching. This does not mean that coaching is not therapeutic but that contract is different.

Perhaps some of you are saying that the situation where people want to harm themselves or others would never happen in the workplace. However, it does happen. People can go “crazy” at work as well as at home; they can threaten or be violent at work as well as at home and occasionally are. If we come across distressed people, or if we are distressed and want a way out that is not about taking responsibility, then we need to do something about it. Suffering may seem inevitable for some rather than optional but, generally, it is optional and once we develop other resources we don’t need to resort to violence or self-harm.

Here’s to happy, potent, responsible days for us all!

If you would like any more information about coaching or supervision of coaches then get in touch with us at: http://www.mountain-associates.co.uk