Work for others - not for us

I’m sure we have all read a lot about service leadership and working in the service of others. Until last week I don’t think I fully connected with this concept even though it makes sense and I have taught different aspect of this philosophical approach. Now, however, I believe I have connected with this in a different way and wanted to share this with you to see if you “get it”.

Very often when we are working we are doing so to get money to finance our lives. We might also be working because status and/or achievement are important to us. The focus here is therefore on us. How different this would be if we were working for the highest good of others. This particularly makes sense if we are in the business of developing others through coaching, training, or even managing and leading others. Our focus would be on the other person or people rather than developing or colluding with competitive structures that only serve to cause stress.

If we grew up in a competitive family where there was little or no room for us and our emotions, vulnerabilities and needs we are likely to have reacted by either: withdrawing and believing we’re not important, or, in wanting attention, status and finances that prove we’re worthy. This early competitive system tends to just get replaced by another competitive system when we go to work. Our “filter” is on for locating the organisations that will reinforce our beliefs and frames of reference and we can then reinforce that this is how the world is. However, another person with a different frame of reference has found a place of work that is easy to attach to, that offers recognition and values its workforce with has an “abundance” frame of reference. This does not happen by accident. We have primed ourselves to “tune in” to what we expect and lo and behold we find it.

There are people and organisations that don’t develop a destructively competitive culture and, when we know how to find them, we will benefit from a change in our own frame of reference as this will offer us a new experience. This experience will challenge our past experience and we can then move on.

Moving on means moving out of the narcissistic “Me” position and into the “You” and “You and Me” positions. Sometime we might even take up the “Me for You” position in relation to what we want for others in terms of coaching and training etc. By this I do not mean that we are subservient, or over-compliant. Nor does it mean that we are not important, it is just that we “get out of the way” and move to a different philosophical position. Ironically we too are likely to thrive anyway as respect for us grows.

So, if you find yourself in an unhealthy competitive culture I invite you to consider whether the place where you grew up (in care or in your own family), was competitive and if so, whether you have replaced this family culture with the organisational one?

If you are in the business of developing others in some way do you do this because you:
 like being centre stage?
 enjoy the status?
 are just there for the money?
 It’s just a job?

If it is any of these I suggest you have a rethink about what you want to create in your life, and find a way to enjoy what you are doing by getting out of the way!

If you would like further information about coaching, training and consultancy then give us a call on: +44 (0) 1455 824475 or go to our website: www.mountain-associates.co.uk